Am I getting more clear-headed?

[johnnyboy1]

I felt like I got schizophrenia from a bad soul contract and past life crap (like bad karma from mental illness). I don’t know what to believe sometimes. Are we alone? Or is everything fake? For people that know me on here, I’ve even entertained the idea I’m a clone/drone. I don’t know. Chip-head? lol. A drone is a parasited human host. No aliens, just dinosaurs down below rofl.

Nobody deserves this. Buddhism seems appealing sometimes like non-existence, nirvana, or ‘estinguish-ment’ or w/e it’s called. Sort of like not existing or being born ever.

Even had thoughts I was a ‘super solider’ and mk-ultra-monarch victim. No peace sometimes. Universe seems to ‘come back’ or ‘bounce back’ or ‘repeat itself’ in a self-similar manner for eternity. Sort of like simulation theory and time travel and the whole 9 yards and crap. I cannot remember my life since 2011 like I just woke up or gained sentience that year. Was it a microchip + electronics (signal)? I felt like my mind came from the satellite or radio towers like my soul/consciousness + outer space. Michio Kaku talks about this. It’s 100+ year technology.

Looking at pictures of my youth, I know logically it’s someone else and not me. Could be DID/MPD but I don’t know. Could be an illusion of sorts.

Maybe those aliens weren’t real and it’s all smoke and magic and mirrors lol. Like maybe Donald Marshall was right…that they’re just earth robots or machines made in a laboratory done by experiments to ■■■■ with people. Scary right? Evil Illuminati people doing it to me and others.

Maybe aliens don’t exist and if they do they follow the ‘non-interaction/interaction’ principle from Star Trek or something…

Then who runs the simulation? Our descendants or future humans? I don’t know. I feel pretty ‘lucid’ right now and never made such progress before in my years with such clarity.

If ‘past lives’ don’t exist or are not real then I’m pretty messed up or ■■■■■■■ up’ like severe insanity or just reverse entropy or eternal recurrence lol.

The whole Christian thing is a fear-based cult thing in my situation. Just my interpretation and experience and not my family’s experience. I’m still pro-capitalism and Libertarian/Republican and love my country very much.

I think I just pissed off the wrong people and still think I had my mind messed with or was a clone and I invented bitcoin, which feels like a distant past life or another reality altogether, and doesn’t feel real, but maybe it is???

So basically it all boils down to extreme trauma, mind control, and psychosis from mk-ultra monarch pretty much according to Occam’s Razor and simplifying things lol. Nothing beyond a little ‘hand-waving’, ‘smoke and mirrors’, and technology. No need for spiritualism or satanism. Just a bunch of frauds.

I still believe in God.

Maybe the whole “I’m a time traveler or alien” isn’t real and it’s just animal dna like I’m a human-animal hybrid or some genetic creature born and created down in a lab like a test tube. That’s getting pretty crazy and far-out there. Damn, Donald Marshall is pretty smart guy.

Mars wasn’t even real.

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I know I sound like I made a 180 in my recovery and am singing a different tune, but it feels more logical, clean, simple, and Occam’s razor type stuff. I went missing in college for some time…not much. Mom originally thought 1 day but then recalled 3 days but doesn’t know. I think my mom and family could be clones or chip-heads too…I remember some stuff happening but then it’s all gone and just a ‘blur’.

Those ‘alien ufos’ I’ve been seeing are just human terrestrial craft. No magic or alien ■■■■.

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This post might be triggering to some. Feel free to flag or delete it if it bothers you. I feel like I’m making progress off the drinks.

[seksoempirico]

You still sound pretty much the same to me, but recovery can be a slow process. All the best.

[Mr_Hope]

I consider trying to figure things out regarding existence etc. a first sign indicator that I am having a relapse and need to up my meds. It may not be that way for you, just saying.

[johnnyboy1]

Latuda is a mixed med for me. Could go good or bad. I’m still on Vraylar. I guess I should expect my mind to change hopefully for the better with less caffeine and crap in it. It’s a unknown scary process.

I’ve always tried figuring things out and questioning things since 2011 – especially my life and existence like what happened to me and how things work.

[Miika]

I just don’t see how all those things can make more sense to you than the simple, obvious answer: you have schizophrenia and your mind is playing tricks on you.

You will never shake your delusions if you refuse to admit they might not be real.

I don’t know if think you’re an mk experiment or some alien hybrid or whatever makes you feel special, but it’s a million times more likely you’re just a schizophrenic with an overactive imagination.

[johnnyboy1]

Ya, I guess saying “schizophrenia with delusions or overactive imagination is the cause” is the simplest explanation, but I would say it’s the wrong one.

[Marbles]

Man I thought I was a chip-head as well, that’s funny. The voices told me we’re all chipheads here ;). The thing is the tech isn’t there yet. I spoke with aliens as well, it’s part of the disease. It’s all fake, but that’s had to believe when it seems so real

[Obsessed123]

I feel sort of the same way as you. I’ve actually been off my old meds for a while, and recently started smoking again LOL, but I FEEL more clearheaded than I have in years.

**Before anyone worries needlessly, I’m not doing anything dangerous or risky, and I’ve actually been off meds for years without a single problem. I know these are the types of things that will normally raise the “time to see the pdoc” alarms, but I’m ok everyone ***

It would seem, with all of my deep mental journeying lately, that I’m more SZ than ever. Which is why I’m not going on and on about it like I really want to LOL, because I FEEL enlightened and awoken but I’m still rational enough to know that “normal” people without SZ would think I’m crazy AF right now At least I’m still “sane” enough to feel self-preservation so strongly… won’t jeopardize my freedoms just in case I AM just a schizophrenic. Doubtful to me, but still keeping that ■■■■ to myself. And you guys of course lol