So, a friend called me up on friday and told me after a brief conversation that he’d call me later.
He never did call, and he wasn’t online anywhere either, so I got a little concerned, but I try to give him space. I sent him a short text asking what his plans are for sunday (since we had talked about hanging out sunday or monday), but he didn’t reply.
This morning around 11, I still hadn’t heard from him, so I sent him another text, saying
"Hey you, I think you forgot to call me back yesterday. Is everything ok? And what are your plans for sunday?"
I also explained him why I was asking about his sunday plans, but nothing too lenghty.
It’s now almost 7pm, so I sent him another text saying
"Hey. I haven’t heard from you yet, but you’re probably busy or in need of space. Hope you’re ok.
I’ll call you sometime tomorrow if I haven’t heard anything, and check in on how you’re doing and co-ordinate what we do in regards to sunday/monday, ok?
Take care "
I’ve seen him be online on fb briefly a couple of times, so I know he’s alive, but I always worry a bit when people don’t follow their usual pattern of response.
…Am I being too pushy? Do I need to just leave him alone?
I think, knowing he’s alive, I would probably give him space. Call like you said you would, but nothing more until then unless you hear from him.
I would just give him some space,
Odds are very good his ignoring doesn’t even have anything to do with you.
He’ll get back to you when whatever’s going on passes.
I know that’s hard,
But you just have to let him be.
Don’t seem to pushy or you might scare him away.
You just seem concerned, not pushy, but you might not want to send anything else besides your phone call.
Is this a friend that has a history of isolating when he is upset? If that’s the case, I would just continue doing what you’re doing, and sending little reminders that you’re around and you care. But you know your relationship better than we do, so just do what feels right to you.
Wow this reminds me so much of my best friend from school… he was very depressed & suicidal and whenever he wouldn’t respond to my texts, I would start panicking if he was still alive…
It got to the point where I would kind of stalk him online and breath a sigh of relief when I saw he had been active on one of the websites.
Sometimes he would not come to school for days and ignore all of my texts and Facebook messages. I’d have panic attacks at school thinking he was dead. I would cry in the toilets or just skip class to go home and cry.
I don’t think it’s fair that he let me worry about him and think he was dead all these times. A simple text is all that was needed but often did not get.
Sometimes it made me angry… I cared so much for him yet he clearly didn’t care for me as much since he let me suffer.
Also that he clearly didn’t trust me enough to tell me about his mental illnesses… yet I told him everything about what I was experiencing. Everything.
I made contact with him on saturday evening, he sent me a short text asking me to get on a bus to his place, so I did.
Turns out he’d been buried in schoolwork and migraines.
I’m glad he’s ok.
When he sees that I’m worried, he usually responds, because he knows I can worry forever if he doesn’t. The reason I worry so much is that he’s diabetic, and sometimes when he doesn’t respond, it’s because he’s been sent to the hospital due to his bloodsugar being weird. So he knows that unless he wants me to think he’s in the hospital, an “I’m ok” text is what I’ll need