Do you guys think I’m a jerk? I just had a friend ditch me when I tried to tell her how things work. (She wanted to sue our school but I told her that if her plan to be a doctor fell through she might want to work in the business world and no one would hire her with a lawsuit on her record.) I was a business major and we were told over and over don’t sure anyone. Ever. Everything is supposed to be handled within the company either by human resources or its equivalent and if they don’t handle it you should just try to find a job with a different company. My adviser told me unambiguously that if you ever sue someone no one will ever hire you again. I was a business major.
I warned her that I’m bad at comforting people. It was probably the first thing I told her when we got into the actual friendship stage. She seemed to just want to hear what she wanted to hear which was someone to agree with her in a slightly squeakier voice. She said that she was more masculine but when I approached the problem in a more masculine way (giving solutions to the problem instead of building more rapport.) She got pissed.
Is this why I can’t keep friends? To be fair I’m batting about 50/50 between me ditching them and them ditching me. I’m broken and I seem to attract broken people. I’m fine with that except they either try to deceive me or start to hate me.
Do I come across as an ahole? AM I an ahole?
Please help.
Just the fact that you take your actions and mannerisms into consideration says a lot about you.
And you are absolutely correct about not going to court unless its absolutely necessary, my aunt excepted millions for dropping a wrongful death lawsuit when my cousin went to the emergency room because he was 12 and had a temperature over 100 deg.(standard procedure) .
The overworked doc accidentally gave him heart meds for a multiple heart surgery elderly guy and he never woke up.
Even though she dropped the suit NOBODY private will be her doc and she has to fly out of state for everything even a check up.
Tell your friend that if she sues she should be prepared to pick up her life and relocate.
She wanted some one to agree with her wrong actions…and instead got a dose of reality she didn’t want…
She’ll either calm down and come back…
or keep making life hard on herself.
You are not a jerk for trying to warn her about the consequences of her actions. I’m sure she’ll ask others the same… and eventually when everyone agrees… she’ll have to reassess.
I have an aunt like this… she asks leading questions and when she doesn’t get the answer she wants… she’s in a bad mood.
Please don’t be hard on yourself… You’re not responsible for your friends actions…
Been my experience for (uhhh…) too many years to count. (Yeah. )
I learned to fire my (so-called) abusive “friends” (not) and hire “friends” who are at least benign, if not contributive, by attending Co-Dependents Anonymous meetings. You can find them in most places in the US.
I think you are right in this estimate - I’ve heard the same, and tend to agree with it except in extreme cases.
It may be just not what your friend not wanted to hear - but I think you’ve conveyed a fairly common belief. Its too bad your friend didn’t appreciate your viewpoint in this instance.
People generally don’t want their illusions shattered. They don’t like a dose of hard, cold reality, even if it benefits them in the long run. You need to ask yourself how badly you need this friend. Are you going to stick with her, even though she dislikes you at the moment? Is she worth going through that for? If you think she will realize the mistake she made that you pointed out, if she will eventually come around to seeing things your way, and she’s worth the trouble, then try to hang on to her as a friend. A friendship that can endure that is worthwhile.
)