Altering Visual Hallucinations

Morning all, hope we’re good today ad keeping as positive as we can.

It’s not uncommon for me to have a visual hallucination on an evening, happens perhaps seven or eight times a week. Typically, I see figures that look like Dementors from Harry Potter - For those who aren’t familiar, they’re skeleton like, but black, and wrapped in a raggedy old cloak, long sharp fingers and a sense of death about them. They either float statically in one spot, or they slowly follow me around on foot, whispering hostile thoughts and instructions into my ear.

Last night, as I was around 10 minutes from finishing up, I passed under the same bridge I always do [my route never changes] and noticed a body hanging from the other side. There’s obviously a sense of fear at first, what if this is REAL and not in my head, fortunately [I guess?] it was in my head and a creation of my wonderful mind. As I passed through and turned around out of a combination of curiosity/fear/stupidity I noticed the body hanging lifelessly was my own, or at least possessed my face.

This is the first time I’ve seen myself outside of nightmares [I’m often the antagonist in those] and the first time my hallucinations have changed or differed. Has anyone experienced anything similar or have any clues / advise as to what this could mean or be a sign of?

Our minds attribute meaning, that doesn’t mean it has any.

Are you stressed about something? My delusions and hallucinations are triggered by stress mostly.

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Constantly stressed due to my symptoms, especially so given my upcoming therapy sessions

Yeah you’re starting therapy soon! That’s a good thing, you’re gonna learn some new techniques to deal with your symptoms.

Try not to think about the meaning of it, your hallucinations are similar to mine, the fear is stronger due to the meaning we give them, when actually they don’t have any. They’re fears, and it’s an illness. Not only there’s nothing really there, the only meaning they have it’s the one we attribute to them.

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A good thing yeah, but I’m frightened that it’s gonna make things worse before it gets better. I haven’t discussed the apparent cause of the illness with anyone before so saying it aloud will make it somewhat more real, and somewhat more attackable for the voices. Make any sense?

Of course it makes sense… Fears are fears but have their validity anyway. What do you believe is the cause of the illness?

I’m not 100% sure, my symptoms started after a severe knock to the head, but my psychiatrist think’s it must be trauma based and not physical [MRI and CT scans showed no anomalies aside of a lack of chemical balance] - Only one thing that I can attribute it to and that was an abusive part of my early teenage years, just doesn’t explain why it laid dormant for so long

When I first got diagnosed I was sure I had drugs induced psychosis, my doctors kept telling me it was sz, now they say it’s sza. Anyway, I didn’t want to believe it. Until I started to remember way back when I was a child some abnormal things like paranoia, thinking cars were following me and that people didn’t like me. Do you have any memories like that?

I had a lot of imaginary friends I’m told, but never any voices aside of my own subconscious.

All my symptoms started August last year but my outlook on life changed drastically following the abusive episodes at thirteen.

Yeah, I had imaginary friends also. That’s natural, I think, my nephews had imaginary friends also and they’re doing alright for the moment.

I’m sorry about the abuse. That’s terrible.

You know, I think we need to find a cause for us to blame the illness on something. The causes are mostly genetic is the current belief, although there’s no history of sz in my family.

The person who abused me was later diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic, and later taken into a care home. I don’t know, just frightened that because it’s gonna be brought to the light for the first time since it happened, the voices or demons or whatever they are, are gonna use it against me and I’m not prepared to fight that given it’s never happened much

We’re really strong all of us, don’t sell yourself short. You can handle it, I’m sure.

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I hope so, thank you. Easy to succumb to the fear of it all. Last night was somewhat more frightening than usual

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There are worst days and better days. I don’t have hallucinations or delusions anymore, just a lot of depressed days usually, today has been one of those days. Seems like everything is worse than it actually is. But I know better days are gonna come.

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Me too, just frightened I won’t be around to see them is all

Of course you will!
One thing I always remember is that light can overcome darkness but darkness cannot overcome light.

Yet neither can exist without the other

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My hallucinations sort of echo where I’m at mentally…

when I’m in a dark place mentally… (depressed… angry… irritable… stressed and dissatisfied) The hallucinations are pretty dark and ugly… and longer lasting.

when I’m in a better frame of mind… the hallucinations are pretty benign… for ages there was a cat floating around… no fire breathing demon cat or anything… just a cat… out of the corner of my eye… floating… content.

About the therapy… I’d say talk to your therapist… when you meet them… let them know your having anxiety about getting to the deeper layers of this… let them know your fears about revealing all.

Use the first sessions as a way to set up some coping tools and some anxiety management so you can handle the deeper issue.

It’s your session… you have every right to take it slow… one layer at a time…

Good luck and the more you worry about the therapy… the more stress… the more stress… you might end up with more hallucination…

I’ve been there… stressing made me worse… the therapist will take it slow and go at your pace… not the other way around… start small…

Good luck :v:

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Exactly the same, the lower I am the harder they hit, and the harder they hit, the harder to resists and cope it becomes. It’s vicious.

I never have positive symptoms but they do lessen when I’m happy or somewhat peaceful.

I’ve met her twice, first session is a week on Wednesday, really nervous that opening the wound for real will make it easy to attack and result in me hurting myself, but that seems to make sense., the layering etc. Thanks for some genuine insight, that’s really helped ease me a little

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