Your post reminds me so much of myself.
I was placed in the B/EH (Behaviorally/Emotionally Handicapped) program in school because I was such a misfit but I wouldn’t speak to doctors (literally, I’d sit in silence the entire hour until they gave up).
I’m 41 years old now, and lived in fear of my true diagnosis for 30 of those years (just recently went to the doctor and sought the help I need).