Was that I wanted those sensations to come back, the tactile ones. I have no idea why they were so intense for like a week. It was like just engaging in immensely pleasurable sex things constantly for a week. I mean wrapped in trauma and abuse but the physical sensation was absolutely addicting. And I know it’s bad for me-I was wreck the whole time it was happening and for a week or 2 after, binge eating food and lying in bed all day not doing anything and drinking, it was like I’d given up on everything.
But I still can’t get over it. And why did it stop out of the blue? It was like a tornado that left me wrecked but a tornado that brings immense physical pleasure somehow. So then you want the tornado to happen again even though you know it destroyed your house the first time and you are still reeling from it. I’m going crazy over this. All I can think of is maybe going up the doses on the rexulti stopped it? But I’m not at a therapeutic dose. And I hadn’t experienced sensations like that in years anyhow. What brought it on? In this case, is it better I don’t know?
summary: Still been going crazy over wanting those intense tactile hallucinations again, even though they come with traumatic abuse, and knowing it wrecked me had me binge eating and getting drunk and not leaving bed all day. The pleasure part of it is insane and I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. Kills me. Why did it randomly stop?? Why did it randomly start after years of not being that intense?
When I was almost 20 I took Wellbutrin and it was the first pill I ever took.
I took 1 pill became delusional, psychotic, thought I was gaining insight.
So I took two pills. Started hallucinating and the rest.
3 pills was like I was tripping balls. Spiders crawling on me and stuff. Tactile hallucinations. Felt so good.
I finished the Wellbutrin script in 12 days I think . Was hospitalized the first time soon after.
Like a year later I told my pdoc I had liked Wellbutrin and he prescribed it to me. I was hoping for the same results but didn’t get any hallucinations insights or delusions.
But I especially liked the feeling of the tactile hallucinations.
I wonder if the low dose of rexulti brought it on? Because it did start like right after I started .5 mg rexulti. But after several days of being on 1 mg it stopped.
I have also noticed big improvements in my mood and anxiety.
I’m not sure what that means. Wondering if I’m in the position to suffer? Suffering can happen regardless of position in life when it comes to mental illness. It’s fun like that.
I ask myself the same every day. A lot of times I feel cursed.
Wow. I’ve had tactile hallucinations too but my last one certainly wasn’t pleasurable. I thought i had something under my skin on my right temple, so i tried to cut it out with a kitchen knife. I was experiencing a breakthrough episode of psychosis at the time so not thinking like i normally do.
I could imagine if a tactile hallucination was particularly pleasurable, that you would want to experience it again. Did it come with the demons attached? Or was it a stand alone hallucination? It may have started because you’re only on a low dose of the Rexulti, and as you slowly increase the dose it is very likely that you won’t experience these hallucinations again.
Yeah it did unfortunately. And being sedated and basically forced to go sleep with the thing even when it was vastly inconvenient, or inappropriate to do so (it made me do it at my neighbor’s house for example while I was housesitting-mortifying) or when I just plain didn’t want to. And I mean logically and consciously I didn’t want to do those things with it so I was dealing with that conflict too. But the physical stuff feels so good just like being with someone who’s amazing in bed. It was happening every day, for several hours, for at least a week I think. Yeah, several hours, hence why I said I was just in bed all day because it would draw me there and then I’d be there 2-3 hours and then later I’d be so fixated on the sensations I’d go lie in bed again hoping it would do it again because it was all I could think about, while feeling ashamed at the same time.
This time the entity wasn’t as nasty as the one in high school though. The one in high school was extremely verbally abusive. This one wasn’t really verbally cruel it was just obnoxiously persistent and wouldn’t really take no for an answer. I even made a point of being like “Maybe if you would listen to me and what I wanted then the relationship between us could improve” and its response was something like “If I did that we’d never have sex”
So it was sort of like I like you, I want to be with you, whenever I want, and if you don’t want that sucks.
It was definitely different from the first entity that did it, now that I think of it. I think I was vaguely aware of that at the time too.
I used to have sexual physical hallucinations too. It disappeared after I got on a high enough dose of antipsychotics and I haven’t had it since then. It would keep telling me that it wanted to marry me and that I couldn’t be with anyone else and was connected to a real person but was vague about who it was. Eventually I realized it was just a demon and just totally lost my ■■■■. It didn’t help that I’ve always struggled with relationships and have only had one boyfriend for a couple of months while that was happening. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It sucks