I have been a bit reclusive lately, and have hid out in my room for almost a year now. It’s getting time that I start trying to do things again (i.e. school, job, driving, etc.) It was nice to stay in the calm of my room and all, but I’m running out of time before I’m force to go back out and such. The anxiety of this realization is starting to get to me, and I’m afraid of losing control of myself like I did when I first got sick.
A particular voice has came back and it keeps telling and showing me bad things. He’s always in the back of my head and it creates this ominous feeling all the time. I’m always aware of his presence because I think if I lose focus then he’ll come in and mess things up again. Last time it happened I wound up saying and doing some terrible things.
It’s turned me into a rather reserved person. It’s so I can stay calm and in control. But I find myself getting anxious and less stable again. I’m sure I know what I need to do, but I’m very reluctant to do so. I was doing so well without my medication and now I’m getting bad again.
How do you all stay in control of yourselves? Do you sometimes feel like you’re about to lose it?