‘‘Behind every addiction is pain’’

boredom is major pain in my ass… boredom + SZ… give me a G D bottle

all the same… I was thinking of how I need to quit all substances…

I think I was an addict at one or two points in my life, had all these flashbacks in my mid 20’s and since I’ve stabilized I can remember and piece together the memories more clearly. It’s not totally out of possibility either. I met a guy who had a degree from Harvard but was running a small landscaping/snow removal business because he had virtually no memory of college due to a series of ECT treatments for severe depression that to put it basically erased his memory.

I have a bit of a drinking problem but I hate the way I get when I’m drunk (I experience euphoria) and do stupid stuff so I’m sticking to a few beers now when I drink.

It’s pain which keeps me smoking.

I used to be addicted to barbiturates when I was 17. That was beautiful hell. I hope never to get another prescription for it, as barbs are like sirens calling to me, hoping my ship crashes on rocks and then I’ll die there, on the rocks, led to my death by siren barbs.

I took a few hard drugs during my 19th and 20th years of existence and I am grateful that none of those drugs stuck and I never did hard drugs after my 21st year (I’m 32 now).

Sometimes, though, I still feel this spot between my eyebrows where I get a tension headache which I started getting that month I spent snorting cocaine, and I am reminded of addiction and the potential for addiction…scary…it’s been like over a decade since I used cocaine and I can still feel that pain. Don’t try cocaine, kids, your mind will never forget the taste…sad jazz music plays saxamaphone:broken_heart:

I’d also add fear to that list…

Pain got me started on drugs… fear kept me going back