Is it good to remember what is accomplished or all that was lost?
It’s hard to going forward because rebuilding is impossible.
Losing material possessions is easier than lost of identity.
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I dont like to think about my past accomplishments because it makes me sad now because they are pointless to me now
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I was undiagnosed until I was 39. When I look back I cringe a bit at how I was trying to make it in the world. I was doing my best though.
I suppose I have mixed feelings about the past.
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Actually…I think I lost my identity at 8 through abuse. Not 30 through psychosis. All the fluff I built around myself…the study, career, house, partner, money, lifestyle, even friends, though they were kind…it was not connected to my genuine identity. I lost all that. But I don’t care. I do care about the identity I lost at 8. Psychosis felt rather like a solution of my body…a wake-up call to go back to the identity of age 8. The pain and fear. And continue growing up from there. And rebuilding my identity from there.
Psychiatry and family were trying to push me back into denial/dissociation. But I think the solution was in re-connecting to the self I lost at 8. And finishing all that I was supposed to do back then. I do mourn all that was lost. But from childhood on. Not from psychosis only.
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I look at my degree on the wall a lot…worked hard for that degree…never got to be an architect due to sz. I had to accept my life as it was, not as it could have been…it’s really difficult I know but that’s what you have to do…can’t cry over spilt milk.
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I used to be upset over all I’ve lost. Been through a lot of upheavals and loss of material things, plus who I was back then.
But that’s ok. That me evolved. Adapted. And I’m becoming happier with my life.
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I dont think too much about accomplishments i usually think about either whats next or just making it through the present day.
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You still own past accomplishments and should be proud of them. I’ve got some newer limits on the type of photography I can do, or do easily. It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t cancel out my previous work.
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Maybe you dont have to rebuild. You can just try something new. Something small that doesnt seem overwhelming
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I think you need to build a new identity over time.
There’s no point in trying to go back. It’s a previous life. Doesn’t mean you can’t have learnt anything during that period. I got to see many places in the world and understand how it works.
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I threw darts at my master’s degree cuz I was so disgusted by who I am now compared to the potential I had. But I’m learning to accept myself as I am now, without dwelling so much on the past.
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