IDK how to put this or describe it. I can’t argue a point or defend an opposing view. I can’t be OK off medication. Why? Because he makes my ears ring by screaming at me if I ever try to talk to him about anything. We just went to dinner, and the whole way he lectured me about spending my money that he gave me for groceries on other stuff (father’s day presents) and an (fm transmitter) and I’m not allowed to hang out with any of my friends I’ve had for 3+years because their all horrible people. My best friend to him are his enemies? I can’t open up about my life at all to him anymore. He just pretended to wreck the car and threatened to kill my gay best friend for the third time, then said I don’t belong in this house and need to get the hell out of his house when I wasn’t talking just trying to get him to calm down until i screamed as he fake wrecked the car. Jumped out, smashed something, and threatened again to KILL a friend of mine if he ever SAW him.
My friend coincidentally works down the street from me. We hang out sometimes but not all the time and my friend quit drinking alcohol, pretty much just occasionally smokes weed. People are accusing him of all kinds of ■■■■ that’s really made up and blown out of proportion. There was a period of time where he was struggling with issues with his mom but that’s not the situation now. Him and his mom are slowly getting on better terms. I’m not doing any drugs other than a little weed less than twice a week, and I don’t drink alcohol never to get drunk, a beer or two ever three weeks? I told him I’m not going back to the psychiatrist. It’s the fuel to his abuse.
Should I call the police? Report mental abuse? What would that do but make him hate me more etc.? He wont change. He will get madder if I report it. He’s guilt tripping me every time I bring up long term goals he changes the topic to short term goals like a dead end day job. Capitalism apparently “has nothing to do with money” according to him. He didn’t do much on his around the world trip he said. Like ■■■■■■■■. There are no camels in India…and I have to endure more witty advice about how the world is run through commerce AKA $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ SICK. FML.
Don’t you get it? He’s abusive when I don’t take medication if he knows or finds out by triggering me. He’s super nice to me when I’m doing what he wants. If he finds out anything contrary he’s psychologically abusive and manipulative. I just don’t know anymore. Like, I told him I was going to try the alternative route and he said it had nothing to do with the medication, but I’m sure it was an interal justification for him threatening to disown me within 2 seconds of arriving home, and flipping out He does this EVERY SINGLE TIME I tell him I’m off medication, and I just try to be honest. I don’t ■■■■■■■ get it. Last time he did the same thing, screamed at me, tried to run the car into traffic and basically scaring me with threats back into paranoia.
Abilify makes me suicidal because it makes me miserable and unhappy. IDK why it makes me so unhappy, I think because I feel too surreal on it and I prefer reality.
@StarryNight know that I care too, I think a lot of people on here do. You know when I was completely of antipsychotics, I grew angrier and had destructive tendencies. I decided to medicate myself reluctantly - but it did help quell down the confusion and anger. If Abilify is not the right med for you (it wasnt for me) maybe just maybe there is another med that could help you gain more clarity and feel less angry and suicidal. Just a thought - hope you feel better soon, take care - Rob
I am not lacking clarity. I’m lacking money to move out, respect and being treated like the 25 year old that I am. Thanks for the support darksith. I’m venting because I was just yelled at and it scared me, I’ve been sitting in my room with the door locked shaking pretty much all night and when I slept I had a dream my dad tried to kill me. I have lots of nightmares with my dad yelling at me. Maybe the sleep paralysis is a part of the complex ptsd that I’m managing without real help or guidance. I mean you can throw money at someone to get them to shut up but that’s not support. I’m being threatend to be kicked out this is not the first time, and I did absolutely nothing but talk about my day at the beach etc. I didn’t even say I was hanging out with the person he threatend to murder. He’s become a good friend and we’ve been getting closer and he’s not abusive towards me. If anything he’s way better.
I’m sick of being threatened. If my dad’s going to kick me out of his mansion then maybe I deserve it. I’ll milk the system and get on disability since I HAVE NO other options! I’m going to apply to goodwill tomm but honestly, once again I have all the hope and aspiration knocked out of me. I’m depressed as hell I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, how I’m supposed to manage a shitty ■■■■■■■ day at work and come home to THIS.