Just a rant about my ex, still processing and figuring out her abuse and what all I did wrong…
Today she and I got into a bit of a spat, it started out innocently but then she said that I tried to force her to be homeless and said I didn’t care if she was. Which… just isn’t true, I have the convo still on my phone so I checked, all I did was tell her to get out because she was abusive to me the day before and she said she’d go live with her mother, then changed her mind. I never said I wanted her to be homeless or didn’t care if she was. So then she said I was gaslighting her again, but from my view she’s twisting my words and assuming meaning where there is none. SHe does this a LOT and it’s always bothered me and made me feel like I didnt know left from right anymore. But now I see through it. I’m not saying Im innocent and never did anything toxic, but I’m starting to suspect she’s been projecting a lot of her own behvaviors, attitudes, etc. on me and saying that I’m the one being abusive and cruel, that I’m over reacting, that I’m sensitive, these are things she has literally told me. I believed it all and felt really bad about myself, worked hard at fixing it, but still she’d react in this way over things. I never really felt like I did it in the first place, most of the time when she’d say I was doing abusive things I was just protecting myself from her toxic behaviors or flat out abuse. I’m trying so hard to see if this is just me running away from responsibility, maybe partly it is, but I feel pretty solid that I’m not abusive. I did not try to control her like she did by threatening suicide on me several times during arguments, punching a hole through the wall, screaming at me and trying to break the door down when I locked myself in there to get away from her, tell me who I should and shouldn’t be friends with, and get extremely jealous when she wasn’t the absolutely center of my attention, also accusing me of cheating and going through my phone and saying she found i was cheating, which I wasn’t…
I would avoid your ex I don’t talk to my ex anymore because its just so toxic and she treats me like crap some people can remain friends with thier exs I have another ex who I remained friends with but she is alot more kind and down to earth than my toxic ex
I’m friends with all of my exes, but this is one that I am going completely no-contact with . I already told her not to talk to me besides relating to our shared bills but I’m moving asap.
How long were you married and how long ago did you divorce?
We never married, we were engaged. We were together off and on for 4.5 years. I had this cycle of recognizing I was being abused, get out, but still be in contact with her and she’d convince me I was the abusive one, so id go back and work really hard to change.
She sounds immature to me.
She has borderline personality disorder, which can make you a perpetual teenager if left untreated
I think you should get out of this relationship. She’s not going to change.
I did, I left her after she commited domestic violence last week. I feel so much better but we have to live together for a couple more months at most.
If you own the lease, or the deed to your house, you should consider telling her to find her own shelter. Give her a couple of weeks, and then tell her to go.
Nah it’s a lease we’re both on. We’re trying to find a sublease
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