A word for myself

Stop spending so much on your hobby.

Do you want to go back to your psychosis years and lose everyone?

Try harder. Get a job. Support yourself.

Move out. Buy/rent a house. Be independent.

As soon as the package arrives, you’re going to hoard it and never paint. So STOP it.

She’s upset with you. Every hair of your body stand up because of her words. If you repeat your unhealthy behaviours, she will strike with her words again.

Stop with the words “let’s go to an art store”. You’ve been there before. Don’t fill your emptiness with material things because you’re lonely.

Stop it. You’ll destroy yourself.


I don’t think you will destroy yourself with buying art supplies. Just keep a budget and stick to it,

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you don’t sound well…tell your pdoc these things.

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I am riddled with extreme fear of purchasing because I feel like I will be yelled at. Plus I should stop purchasing because I will not allow that lavishness again. If I ever overspend I will beat the ■■■■ out of myself as punishment

Make sure you are fully useing what you got already. Don’t overspend, but for sure you need art, if that keeps you busy creating.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, but I am sure you know better what is best for your situation.

I don’t understand why you would beat yourself up for spending some money. Can you explain?

I spend 260€ on a Spanish course I didn’t attend because of social anxiety. I couldn’t get a refund. Things like that happen. It’s a shame but no reason to beat yourself up.

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I was told by my mother that I hoard supplies and I don’t actually draw. Which is true.

I just feel extreme pain from my disability most days. I want to paint and I don’t have brushes for it, so I was looking to buy them. Recently I bought a large set after saving up money for four months.

I just feel guilty that I’m repeating the same problems again that I had when I was in university. I spent lavishly abroad. It caused my family great pain. I beat myself up all the time about it because I feel guilty for making them suffer. My family forgave me but I haven’t forgiven myself. I’ll just continue to atone for my mistakes through self-hatred and acts of atonement by any means.

My family would call me during my stay abroad to criticize my spending. As a result I would go to stores and aimlessly wander around doing stuff in psychosis. I was extremely stressed. Still I was spending a lot of money. I was hyperfocusing on my hobbies. I was a burden to the Canadian government and to the country as a whole, and a burden to my family. There’s no other way to atone for my mistakes so I continue to beat myself up for any time I overspend by accident.

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Sorry to hear your story. I am sure canadian gov does not care you were a burden, but your famillg feels it.
To keep my finances I take very small amount and decide while at home what I want to buy. I try to stick to minimum spending and every once in a while I get myself a treat.

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You could just set a budget and just stick to it.

No need to atone.

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I’m trying to stay as far away as possible from my family emotionally because of my past experiences. I’m worried about hurting them emotionally because i can’t trust myself.

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I just can’t seem to let what happened go. It lingers with me.

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