A universe of despair

Even with my meds I still stress. When feeling emotions of despair anguish, it seems like time passes much slower with those. Blissful feelings don’t last long enough neither are they solid. Like fleeting imagination of a place where your mind once dwell. If you believe in presentism, the present has always existed the past and future do not.

I also thought of Solipsism a philosophical theory which states that nothing can be verified except the existence of one’s own mind. It’s impossible to verify the existence of anything except your own consciousness.

I believe in parallel universes. Like our universe is just a bubble floating in the tranquil sea of infinite amount of bubble universes.

Why out of all infinite possibilities am I a person with SZ? You know, I could of been anything else. But I guess you have to live out your existence, and if, there is a next time maybe you will be granted more luck. Or less luck.

Come to think of it I am very glad to be SZ, in a modern age of medication. If I were less fortunate I would of been born with SZ during the witch trial era. And I would of burned.



Parallel universes…that’s where all those objects go that I need that can’t be found until they’re no longer needed.


And also there is, “I think, therefore I am”. I would kind of disagree with that particular theory you wrote. It depends on how you define “existing”. It seems we can trust our own senses. If I can see, touch, or hear something it is a good chance it’s real and exists. Philosophy is great , but there’s a reason that there’s not a big demand for philosophers in the job market.They say a philosophy degree is almost useless in finding a job. Because it’s tenets are great, but not practical in everyday life. I mean, philosophy helped bring mankind out of the Dark Ages and before that, in ancient Greece it played it’s part in society. But tell a realist in this day and age that nothing else exists except our mind and he will tell you about surviving in the real world. The saying you listed probably originated in those two eras. Sorry, I didn’t mean to digress so badly.


I wonder if i’m a king or tsar or emperor in one. That is a lucky alternate me.

When I get hit with sorrow, I freeze up. I sit and gaze into nothing and I get stuck. I try to make it go away. When I manage to pull out of it, much time has passed. You’re right, bliss is all too fleeting.

I too believe in parallel universes, but I have no way to get there so the me who is not SZ had better be partying it up. The healthy J better really be catching the world on fire over there in the other universe. But here’s the thing, the J who is perfectly healthy would be 11 years older then his kid sister too and most likely would ignore her as the baby of the family and not really gotten along with her. So it’s trade off.

As far as presentism… I get the concept, and I love studying this sort of stuff.

But I in my heart,… this moment is happening now; the way it is because of the wind storm that happened years and years ago. Everything is the way it is now because of what happened then. If any little thing was different, I’d be on a different path and doing different things. Sz or not, what I do today will effect the path of tomorrow.

If you sail a boat just two tiny degrees off course right out of port, you end up miles and miles away form your intended destination when you’re further out on that chart line across the map. Just two tiny degrees to the left can have a vast effect on where you end up. It’s just how my heart sees it.


Eloquently put J. Have a good day.

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For those who would be interested in the physics behind it, here’s a link to a Scientific American article about parallel and infinite universes,


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I think the same way. My meds really work and I just realize that my quality of life is incredible compared to what it would have been before the second generation of antipsychotics.

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And people think today the side effects are bad. SZ medication has been a very slow evolving process. However my hopes are up that in 35 more years compare the medicine of the future with now.