A Special Kind of Hurt

I was seeing a doctor two years ago for two years, who I started seeing at the age of 26 at the VA hospital where she was a resident after I had relapsed, hard. I saw her once a week for an hour or so at a time, and she quickly became the most important person in my life, setting and succeeding at goals and feeling stable for the most part until she gave me a month’s notice that she would be leaving the VA for a different practice, something that I never thought would cause me such unimaginable emotional pain.
My step father was verbally and physically abusive and both of my parents were rather cold. I served two tours in Iraq as a Marine, for which I am 100% service connected for paranoid schizophrenia vs schizoaffective and PTSD as well as cannabis dependence and alcohol abuse, something I’ve gotten better at.
Aside from the sense of abandonment I felt from her leaving, I developed a rather weird form of head pain that deals with anxiety, adrenaline, and depression. I sought out my former doctor only to be rather disappointed. She’s at a private practice which only accepts private insurance. No Obamacare or anything of the sort, essentially denying her wonderful services to those suffering the most, thus needing her the most. I asked that she contact me and I would consider purchasing private insurance, but I called the veteran’s crisis line and told them that I wanted to express to her how disgusted and ashamed I am of her and they told me that I would never see her again. I haven’t heard back from her office, but it’s only been since Thursday. I just feel so disgusted with hypocritical doctors and their love for money over patients. There’s definitely a huge void in my life.

Don’t give up over one minor hiccup. Especially after what you have already been through in Iraq. Are other doctors, I’m sure the veteran line might even help you to find anther one as well. As the old saying says plenty of fish in the sea.

There aren’t too many good psychiatrists or psychologists who provide therapy in my town. I know of one who, but he moved to Maine and the psychologist who evaluated me but I haven’t been able to find her and haven’t had the energy for a real search. It just sucks when you feel like you can relate to someone but the reasons they helped you was to advance their career so that they could later charge $165-$200 an hour to a group that typically doesn’t earn much money.

Yes it sucks, But you keep fighting Illegitimi non carborundum - Don’t let the bastards grind you down!