Schizophrenia.com

A simple question

I propose a simple question, one to ask yourself:

Do you really want to be cured?

I want to feel better.
I want my family to heal
I want to be able to take care of myself

But there are sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I’m glad I’m different. I tell myself, “I don’t want to be “fixed””

I’m becoming who I am now because of who I was before. If I didn’t have Sz, my life would be very different I think.

For the most part, I like how my life is now, so I don’t want that change.

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My son does not want to be fixed. I am not looking to fix or cure him from thinking differently. I do think at this point we are trying to reach the same goals of controlling symptoms so that he can have a more fulfilling live here on this physical earth.

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I would like to have greater control over my psychosis. When everything is manageable some symptoms are very welcome and others I can ignore. It is when things get out of control that I curse the condition I am in.

If I had a reliable means of control, I would not seek a cure.

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Thank you for that… I hate to admit it sometimes, but I’m in that same boat.

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Thanks for the honest replies…
It’s nice to see fulfillment as a medium of meaning!

Yes. I hate schizophrenia with passion. I am recovered but the medicated lifestyle has its own challenges- feeling lazy, annoying side effects like restless legs, feeling like I have to compete with normal people now that I am not psychotic, the trauma of being insane for two years, I could go on and on. I still have anxiety and sometimes it is crippling, I take xanax for it but most mornings I am still anxious. I am physiologically dependent on 5 different drugs, two of them caffeine and nicotine, the other three prescription meds from the psychiatrist. Before meds I was an alky and a smoker, but I didnt feel as messed up from that as I do now from prescription meds. Being a drunk had less complications that being thoroughly medicated. I made a 3.5 as a psychotic drunk and was also hitting the gym 4-5 days a week. I just had one friend and was not performing to my potential. Now I have straight A’s and friends and am not a drunk. I dont really look that different on paper, but I don’t give off a mentally ill vibe like I used to, and I dont suffer from hallucinations and delusions.

You can feel dependence and addiction. I wake up and immediately start worrying about anything and everything, I take the Xanax pill on my bedside table and then just curl up. I then become a living dead person, still feeling the night time dose of my antipsychotic making me slow and then I struggle to make a coffee, and since Im a competitive powerlifter, half of the time I am very very sore and it hurts to stand. I smoke a cigarette and just feel like I am anxious and awake in the head but dead in the body. After coffee I usually perk up, but its a fine line between perked up and outright anxious as hell. I then eat my protein whey and kashi cereal, take Geodon with it (must be taken with food) and 80mg ER Propanolol, a blood pressure med, to help my anxiety in addition to the xanax. It takes me hours to feel “normal” every day, but by the afternoon I am usually pretty OK.

I also have extremely vivid and most often lucid dreams or nightmares due to my meds, they make me detached from waking life. I either drink more caffeine in the afternoons or take a nap.

Being “cured” is not all that great. It permits me to function very highly, to compete with normal people academically and athletically, but there is no such thing as a cure. I am simply pumped full of various tranquilizers. I am a psychology major concentrating in behavioral neuroscience and I know what my drugs are and what they do to the brain.

Antipsychotics are major tranquilizers which happen to have antipsychotic properties. Anti anxiety meds are minor tranquilizers which make you not care as much about things, to put it very simply. The Propanolol is a beta-blocker, it lowers blood pressure and heart rate and therefore relieves anxiety and restlessness.

I am a competitive powerlifter and I can only workout at 4 or 5 PM because that is when these meds are at their lowest concentration in by blood. The xanax wears off completely by then, I am very anxious in the gym.

Nicotine and caffeine are stimulants, they lower the blood levels of my medications, decrease sedation and improve concentration, and caffeine improves athletic performance.

So yeah, “cured” is impossible, doped up and psychosis-free with a whole new set of problems, side effects, is very possible and happens all of the time.

No, I wouldn’t want to be cured, because sz reminds me I need my Creator and that I am not invincible, but a frail human being. Its become a part of who I am now. However, I wouldn’t want to be sick all the time either, I want to be stabilised so I can live my life.

I’d love to get better the voices and this telepathy ■■■■ stand in my way. Not to say I haven’t learned a lot being schizophrenic I’ve also endured the most psychotic of thoughts states of being. If only it would go away and I could forget the most of keeping only want I wanted to learn.

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Sometimes I wish I was cured. Other times I don’t think I could handle being cured. It’s a shock to my system when my paranoia goes away. It’s overwhelming.

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Yes, I think I’d like being cured. After so many years, this is not going anywhere. But I’m afraid I’d lose my creative ability.

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Im like mortimer, i would love to have never been schizo and sick from meds.

Not saying that everything else here doesn’t suck though, i wouldn’t want that stuff either really.

In fact, never being here at all would be my first desicion.

before my illness I enjoyed every moment of my life so I want to be cured

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If I had no symptoms but I could keep the personality I have and the knowledge I have gained from my years so far, I would go for it. But who I am wouldn’t be possible without who I have been.

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yes i do, i want to be cured :slight_smile: