Hi, thank you for your nice reply. I never used to be timid or shy. I used to be really outgoing. Lately I haven’t up to my usual self. I’ve just been hitting a string of negativity and very low energy.
I’ll get better, and I will get back to being myself. But lately I just don’t feel as outgoing and as confident as I used to. I am trying to buffer myself from a negative relative and it’s been a hard thing to do. I’ll learn and get my confidence back soon. I’ll get back up to a healthy weight too. I’ll work on it as I can. Thank you for letting me post.
Okay yeah I understand. That made sense. This peak thing interest me because I think you mean a certain phenomenon I have also and I’ll describe how it happens to me.
It is like feeling the strange eyes of a stranger stumbling upon you. It gets intense I will look away, before I had any chance to shoot a facial expression my symptoms take over and prevent me of communicating something meaningful. That happens sometimes.
I miss the meaning altogether, connection or don’t catch it because a anti social symptom of mine can’t keep a line. Like when I am staring face to face with a woman, secrets become exposed.
Could you verify if that made sense? My social etiquette changes in a flash when I am outnumbered. As you mention the word outnumbered. Overwhelmed socially by mom’s , dad’s and their kids at Walmart where do I fit in? We’ll this little girl down the street calls me Mr. Lester and I actually feel like someone. Why won’t I say hi to her parents, that would take some socializing I don’t have the courage to muster and be friendly with my neighbors just isolate.
Also it is hard to determine at times in a group the sarcasm, and people making indirect insults. Name calling that is meant to poke fun or banter. Mixed communication. It’s like my decision maker in a social situation is like yeah uh don’t say something stupid. How can I build upon I often find myself stumped when trying to add on to what a person just said. Is that even my job to, why isn’t there something inside that is suppose to produce things to say to people.
Hi kidsister. What in your life is changing And preventing you from becoming yourself? You are right it will pass. I don’t mean to be intruding in any way but what is this buffer of a negative relative you have? Is this relative the sole cause of your negativity and low energy? And how do you get rid of it?
Just find a way to cheer up. Have confidence. And if you like being outgoing just place it in your life. Thanks I apologize if I missed read what your saying. Have a good one.
I thought it over, and now I get what you mean mxcmac about multiple meanings. When they are presented, its like which path should I choose to go through. Well I think it has to do with the right choice of words. If I select a word in conversation that has multiple meanings I need to work on being concise with my speech. And make sure it only means one thing. Try not to confuse anybody or twist any meaning, because as is people have hard enough time understanding each others humor for instance.
Although we inside may think we are funny often times it is only to ourselves and does not correlate well to others. I just view comedians and getting jokes, it is up to you to want to willingly understand a joke, or not get it at all. But that is another thing I guess.
I hear what a friend says, and its like I am left with a bunch of options on the way to respond. What route are we suppose to take? The clear and boring, the funny and maybe offensive, the dry and cold. You know. We always want them coming back for more, so I don’t know I’m just ranting at this point. Have a good day.
All of that makes sense and I experience those things also. It’s almost like I don’t have the socializing mechanism/gene that everyone else seems to have pre-programmed in their brain at birth. I can’t summon up the bottle to talk to my neighbors either…unless they suck me into an awkward exchange where I just smile and nod and say “oh yeah? Really? That’s interesting!” such phrases like that.
It seems like conversations take so much effort just like you said Lester when u choose a word and have to be concise about what you mean. It’s stressful to me at times which is why I can only hang out with one person at a time and if im in a group, I need frequent breaks and need to be able to leave (not depend on someone else for a ride unless I know I have a bus to take back); sarcasm and inside jokes confuse and occasionally frustrate me. And you aren’t ranting its like conversation is a mission! Like those old video games where you had the option to say different words and the result would be different for each.
A lot of it is just me trying to be on the safe side. Like you said, I don’t get how people get into deep conversations you know anything more than “really” “uh huh”, “that’s interesting!” I don’t like to talk about dumb things that is for sure. And pardon me I hate it but it seems like dumb people do all the talking. Just my perspective. Don’t hate. Or unique conversations are rare, you know the kind that actually stimulates the brain into naturally provoking words outta ya.
Haha I left a conversation I started with two other people today. They went at it further. But I feel like the little things we don’t communicate we assume they know already like “whats this silence, oh! are y’all waiting for me to talk”? Its like cues that go unheard. But within the person are thinking and feeling.
You know what might help is viewing comedy, like on pandora about racist comic material. I can get that white people, black people, asians, have their own conceptions about one another. At least its something I get and not left with a cloudy brain wondering why I didn’t laugh because the audience in those performances are obviously smarter than me since they get the jokes. Well they are there in person and seeing a comedian is much funnier than just being able to hear them. But they laugh all the time sort of like dubbed in laughter from those idiotic sitcoms.
Damn right I’m on mission to understand why I suck so bad not born with the gene that OTHER normal people seem to seamlessly understand. Yay for them I know right?
I don’t know what video game you were referring to maybe if you’d throw out a name. There was speak n spell. And some old computer games where you type input and it would send something back like you type ‘hug penelope’ it would respond ‘i like that’. Or something the game programmer would have to incorporate lines of response for all the gamer’s dirty minds. King’s quest if i remember right was the name of the game. Way back when the 386 computer was cutting edge.
if we’re talking about eye contact then i would like to say to people that just because you are sz doesnt mean you cant look anyone in the eye,
i had to relearn this technique after changing meds and maybe even a bit before that too, but it was certainly a lot better at it after changing to a better med,
the thing with looking at people or not hasn’t got anything to do with it in reality its more about what is appropriate and when is it appropriate to look at someone and for how long, where to look etc, visual ques play a huge part in the process,
i would look away from people all the time the reason was because i could not read the visual ques, i did not know when it was appropriate to look at someone or what expression to use when i was looking at them etc, i had emotional bluntening or flat effect etc so it was impossible to know the ques because you need to feel things to know what the ques are and how to use them.
also its so hard to concentrate and you are in a blur all the time how are you supposed to know what someone else is thinking when you are in this state and i’m not talking about telepathy, sometimes you have to use their ques to know how to respond to them, like say someone smiles at you, thats a que for you to smile back but i know i didnt read these ques properly so i would probably think ‘why was she smiling at me’. etc you need to read the persons ques, you need to read their body language but i know this is very hard to do and is something that is almost impossible sometimes.
It does feel like dumb people do all the talking. When I find that I’m talking too much (ie too much coffee) I realize it and think hmmm I am not saying very important stuff I should shut it.
Good call with comedy it does help to get my brain working in an entertaining or captivating mode, more personable and less distant or detatched. Btw I hate the canned laughter!
I can’t think of a name I’m spacin on it but did you ever read those “choose your own adventure” books? Basically you’re a character in the story and you read a section and it has options for you to choose what you want your character to do and it had ‘turn to page 13’ or whatever next to it. If you read it again, and choose a different path the whole story changes. Same thing it feels like in conversations… and in life.
Yeah I work hard every day to try and maybe ‘catch’ the gene from a conversation or interaction. Or maybe install it into my brain.
But it does feel like I can have that natural conversing feeling with a couple people I know, and it feels really great. Wish I had that with everyone!
lol yeah I remember those books. In my life though a conversation turns into the chapter that ends the story. Unfortunately. If we knew someone well going through school it is like our humor is embedded in each others psyche and when we talk them we already know. My high school buddy named Rickie, we used to do bad things like skip school and drink 40oz brews, smoke newports. We were high risk trouble. Now I get on the phone with him after years of no contact he says, ‘damn lester, we were some wild teenagers’. I replied we’re lucky we didn’t have guns back then, thankful that God chose to introduce them to us when were wiser and older. but anyway yeah that is an excerpt. Plus our views are similar.
Usually the voices are in my head Its like having a speaker in my brain near my temples. I usually hear a man’s voice. I believe he is more powerful and smarter than me. But I know for a fact that seroquel is more powerful than him. I want to get back on seroquel so much.
Interestingly enough I’m on a low dose of Risperdol. I read it was for bipolar but they got me taking it and another drug. I use to take so much crap. I took 4 different types a pill a day all for my mental illness. Now I only take three and one is just for side effects.