Hi I am 31, before I delve into my topic, I would like to ask what has mental illness taken from you? For me and I am going to get into it is mental, physical and verbal communication. I am going to go over the symptoms.
Ok I will attempt to describe it, as I have a picture in my mind of the framework of what has been constantly bugging me for years.
Have you ever wondered why another stranger looks down when ever you look up at him or her? Its like damnit don’t act that way. I noticed people don’t like looking at me. And all this beyond my control communication is going on. Its instantaneous. There is no way to manually manipulate it. It moves. It is what is running through your body. And when you look up, to see your surroundings, what do you see?
I’m always trying to be cool with people at my gym, this whole human body reaction thing I’ve been wondering about for years, I’m not trying to engulf in it because it drives me crazy thinking about it. You often wonder why pretty girl cashiers never look up at you. Its like what I am doing wrong? I don’t understand it, human communication that is. I’ve learned a lot as I have been studying it.
I went into my bank after a workout I was sweating still. And I felt a conscious moment of everybody in that bank reacting to my presence. No it’s not a spiritual thing. It’s like humans think so quickly that it is hard to catch what they may be hiding. But anyway A secret channel. The bankers behind the counter, they all had a channel open among themselves that customers would be like what the hell are they talking about?
This is just how my mind thinks. Because SZA made communication a real puzzle for me to put back together. And that is my definition of recovery. Everyday I grow wiser through effort. Some people unconsciously communicate without the symptom awareness that I have. Well I thank you for reading and I know these words were probably hard to make any sense of at all. But I like this forum because any SZ person no matter what is going on inside their mind can post and talk about it.
So there, thank you