I’ve wanted a boyfriend for some time now but some indisputable force in my brain forbids it. Like today I thought the guy sitting next to me in Starbucks was cute and immediately this powerful thought in my head YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED/HUMANS ARE NOT FOR YOU. To which I responded that was ridiculous as I am human and therefore humans are certainly for me. I worry that it’s from what the demons burnt into me back then because they’d always tell me that when they were doing awful things to me, that I wasn’t allowed to be with a human, that it was forbidden.
I guess a lot of times I feel so detached from my humanity and this world that I feel like I would be incapable of having a normal relationship I could be happy with. Thus my only option is to date a “non-human” such as myself, in other words someone else who is detached from this world.
Anyways I can’t tell if it’s the brainwashing, my fear of corrupting an innocent soul, the fear of intimacy or what have you, all I know is I want a flipping boyfriend and it’s not fair that I’m not allowed.
You should have said to the guy at Starbucks…
I’ve seen you before. Bet you come here a Latte?
(a lot, eh?)
Hahaha. That made me smile for the first time today. Thanks.
I’ll keep that in mind for next time
I’m glad I put a smile on your face!
Filling someone else’s bucket makes me feel good too!
I was in only one relationship and it was really amazing until he decided that I wasn’t good enough and he wanted other girls… be careful who you give your heart to, but the right person can make you feel super happy ^u^
You are going to corrupt any souls @anna. Wouldn’t worry about that, but it might take a certain kind of person to follow along with your experience. You’ll probably freak out a christian boy pretty good…
Anyways I wouldn’t worry about it. I’d play it casual if you can. Don’t expect it to last for life. Just try to have a good time while it’s good.
You’ve got a good soul anna… something will work out.
Hope school is going well.
Sorry to be negative but if he was cute he might have been taken. Just be ready for the next time so you don’t lose your opportunity.
i’m sorry your voices kept you from saying hi. they do cause a lot of misses when it comes to conversations and trying to portray yourself as a normie.
Know how you feel. I want a boyfriend but the chances are slim since I have expectations. My last boyfriend was an ass. I don’t want anymore assholes as boyfriends again.
Wait until you’re comfortable with yourself before you start inflicting your life on someone else. Once you have reconciled your internal issues you can enter a relationship without subjecting the unsuspecting dude to your issues.
Maybe you should deal with your med and psychosis issues first. I want a girlfriend but I’m going to wait for a year after I get a job to go find one.
i dont think i can handle another relationship now, i think i’ll be ok on my own
The demons made me dirty. The devil made Eve dirty and then she made Adam dirty. I don’t want to make the same mistake she did. That kind of evil needs to be contained.
Aside from that chuckled at the thought of me scaring a good Christian boy wahaha. Ahh I’ll be interested to see who I end up with anyways. If I end up with anyone…bah…
School is school. Not doing my best work lately but I’m managing. Thanks for the concern, hope you’re doing well!
You’ll be alright anna. You can choose who you end up with.
I’m doing really well.
it’s practically impossible for virgins to know exactly what sex is supposed to feel like. I don’t know or want to know if you are… But if you are then your hallucinations might have misguided you in thinking it’s different than what it is. A good sexual experience might set you free from it a bit and leave you more grounded. That said good sex is hard to come by. I’m guessing you have the right approach of finding a good partner and patiently working to make it better for each other.
Lot’s of folk just want to bang and that isn’t good sex to me. It’s like a competition in those cases.
Right… Moving on.
I’m glad to hear your coursework is going well.