Schizophrenia.com

A little of my life

I feel weird talking about my life but I think it will help me reflect at age four to age eight I was raped by my step dad I found out many years later my sister was too I told my mother about it she was a drug addict with my father and now that I see things better she knew what was happening I was told not to tell anyone that he did what he did or they would kill my sister and me. at age 10 my father got divorced from my mom. and I lived in a foster care for about 6 years I was separate from my family and cried a lot I missed my sister deeply. I started to be antisocial and would try to kill myself. I thought the world was just a place for other people not people like me i started to see and hear things mi would hear voices from god and i would talk to my imaginary friend franky i did not even notice anything wrong when this all started. I ran away from foster care at age 17 and started to live on the streets of Philadelphia. about 2 months being homeless i started to steal. my life inside my head was torcher so many days i thought of killing myself about the second year living on the streets i went insane. i was huffing paint. i attacked someone and was sent to a mental health physilaty it was the worse thing in this whole world i was in restraints for about 9 hours a day i was trying to kill myself i was shot up with medicine and physically beaten by these people it was the worst thing in this whole world i cry somedays and wonder why iam not dead yet. i was there in hell for 5 years and i ran away.i went to kill myself and got a knife and started to stab mytselfd and blacked out. i woke up in a hospital and they put me back in a mental physcility. i was there for 3 more years and i finally was realased. i didn’t even know my own name when i left. i lived in the streets of a neighborhood when i met a family that took me in. they tried there best to help me and raise me in the Christian relgion. i left and never came back i started to do drugs mostly crack. i was getting money by selling fruit at a fruit stand for joey for the crack money. i was about 28 years old at the time. i lived in insanity and i tried to kill myself again. i met a friend called simon who let me stay with him. he was a bartender and i heloed to barback for him to make money. if it was not for simon i would not be hear today. during these years i recovered i got somewhat normal. life went on i moved out of simmons house and started to rent my own apparement. things where normal in life i had a purpose. i never heard from my family and everything was okay. my sister found me in 1999. me and her grew very close. she died in 2002 and my life has been over ever since. she died from a heart attack is what they told me i just coulnt go on living and turned to drugs. in 2007 i settle down in california where i would live in homeless housing and didn’t socialize.i lived there off and on I am using there computer here had to pay to use it. I have to go . I cangt tell you much about the things I went through with this illness I don’t remember. I seethings through my eyes and listen to voices about 100 of them in my head. I got to go

God bless. …

Welcome. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard life. I thought I had it hard but it’s nowhere near as hard as yours. I’ve always had a roof over my head during my worst times at least. By the way, it goes without saying that your step-dad was a scumbag, he’s not worth thinking about. You said you feel like you feel like you didn’t have a place in this world, well you have a place on here any time you want, believe me. Your life is not over. You will never have your sister again but I’m sure she would want you to have a happy life without her. I had a drug problem too, I smoked crack for four years and I was addicted. I got clean in 1990 though. Maybe you can turn your life around with some help; your life is worth saving and you deserve some happiness and relief. Anyway, I wish you good luck and hopefully you will get something out of these forums. See you around.

The amount of horror some people experience is astounding.

Welcome to the forum Dave.

I truly hope that you find something in this world to make you happy. That story was so sad, and it’s even sadder that a real person has ever had to go through what you have gone through. You are in my prayers.

You are in my prayer Dave.

Its amazing that you have lived. Theres is alot of strenght in you. I hope to hear here from you again :slight_smile:

Hi Dave~
i agree with dude…you MUST have a lot of strength. You are still here and still trying. I hope you can find a halfway house out in California-if you talk to someone there, they might be able to help you. Some homeless shelters have case workers that go around looking to see if anyone needs help. That could be a beginning for you…Hope to hear from you again