Schizophrenia.com

A face like a horse


#1

I was at a prestigious camp as a teen and overheard some girls talking. One said “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone ugly at this camp - only there was one girl - she had a face like a horse.” Well, 50 years later, I realize she was talking about me. I had realized I had visual problems for a long time and only recently realized that my eyes tired under the strain of hallucinating that I was average looking. I’m not. I’m very secure here at the home and it has caused me to relax enough to let all the head injuries and deformities appear and be known without threat of rejection. Possibly a certain amount of healing can begin to take place now.


#2

You’ve been thinking about this comment for 50 years?


#3

Give her a break. I sometimes remember things from my childhood that stood out in my life. Who doesn’t?


#4

No, the comment came back to mind when I realized how ugly I am recently.


#5

Don’t get your panties in a bunch.


#6

Not getting anything in a bunch. Just doing what’s right. My last word on the subject.


#7

I’m sorry. I got a bit defensive. I’m trying to do what’s right too. My comment was not designed to give her a hard time but to gently highlight the fact that she seems to spend a great deal of time obsessing over negative events in her childhood. I don’t think it’s good to support such negative thoughts and this was my way of saying so with a quick one-liner.


#8

OK. Thanks for the explanation.


#9

Ahh…but look at those same girls 50 years later chordy, and discover the truth that looks really are not that important, because in time looks fade.
It’s the personality underneath those looks that counts, and when one relied solely on looks all their life, they are usually very shallow people.

Stop being so hard on yourself chordy, it’s time to realize your strengths and learn to be good to yourself. Don’t you think it’s time to give yourself permission to enjoy life a little? What are you waiting for?


#10

I think I’m negative because I don’t want to take a chance on love. So, being negative is better than nothing. I don’t know, words are easy. Empty words and worn out phrases are what I got and I got fooled into thinking it was genuine when it wasn’t. So I think I mistrust even the encouragement I get here on the forum. If I could have a good cry and get it out of my system, I’d feel better.


#11

You got to give yourself permission first.
No explanations needed.


#12

I meant you don’t even have to explain it or justify it to yourself, just allow it to happen.


#13

I still remember the monkey chants from over 40 years ago and being called the missing link over 45 years ago.


#14

That makes me entirely nauseous to think about chordy, kids, they are just so mean sometimes.

Little did they know how ugly they were in saying that and being that way, not to mention the horrendous way we all look physically.

I can’t believe people still believe that they can appear good looking, look at us, we don’t look good, none for that matter.

“Little creatures of nature, they don’t know that their ugly, thats very funny” - Ren and Stimply, happy happy joy joy song

They just aren’t born knowing that they are ugly are they.

Needless to say, we are all born looking like the elephant man in my not so humble opinion.


#15

to beautiful chordy , that is what i will call you from now on every time i answer one of your posts , because that is what you are.
take care.