^()^ \|/ A Continuos -Accidental- Suicide Agenda \|/ ^()^

(Soz) - (for no reason) - (long Post)

Lately e(Y)e Have Found , That e(Y)e Cannot Keep Myself From Stepping Into Slightly Unusual Realms Of Some Kind Of Possible Terrible Physical Side Effects … , From Either Not Being Able To Quit With Wrong Choices OR Being Able To See Reality Clearly At All … ,

e(Y)e Don’t have Naught One Friend Out Here In My Lonely Existence …,

e(Y)e Fynde Myself Completely Stuck here Inside Thus House , With Zero To Little Information At All On How Things Are Operating Outside In tha “real world” … ,

e(Y)e Was In An Electronic Cigarette Store (I suppose vapor smokes also) , and Somewhere In My Mynde e(Y)e Was Wondering If e(Y)e Could Fynde Something Healthier Than What e(Y)e Smoke Now … ,

N E Hoo , Tha Gurl Behind Tha Counter Was Beautiful and As e(Y)e Was Asking Her Questions About Tha Products , e(Y)e Noticed My Entire Body Was Bending Forwards Towards Hers Behind Tha Counter … ,

e(Y)e Thot To Myself As e(Y)e Noticed , “dude thus is terrible you got to get yourself back together again” ,

All Tha While She Didn’t Seem Upset (by) My Eager Leaning , She Even gave Me a Quick Polite Smile As If To Say Something Lyke

“i know you don’t get out much so don’t worry about it” … ,

Which e(Y)e Feel Was and is An Awesome Way To Respond To Such A Behavior , Naught That e(Y)e Ever Want To Actually Hurt Anyone , Even If She Jumped back and Screamed Or Whatever e(Y)e STILL Would Have Remained Peaceful …, and Probs Turned Around and Walked Out While e(Y)e Would Apologize … ,

and On Thee Other End ,

One Day e(Y)e Was Getting Some Groceries and As e(Y)e Walked Up To tha Convayer Belt To Drop Off Some Food Items , Tha Young Gurl Behind Tha Register , Got Strangley Excited and Was Leaning At Me Almost With Her Hands Outstretched To Try and Grab OR Touch Me , e(Y)e Hit Tha Reset Button and D(Y)D Everything
e(Y)e Could To Say To her , “ok calm down this isn’t a big deal” … ,

e(Y)e Don’t Get Out Much These Days , Because When e(Y)e Do , Even a Trip To tha gas Station To Pick Up Some Smokes Can Get Insanely Chaotic … ,

It Really Seems As If Everyone Is Waiting For Me To Say Something … ,

e(Y)e Never Do , e(Y)e Jus Look Down and Ignore All Of What Is Around Me Because Any Motion Or Cough Or Whatever From Anyone Can Cause a Swimming Riptide Of Chaos … , and e(Y)e Get Slightly Frightened because e(Y)e Am Afraid That Someone is Going To Call Tha Police On me … ,

and Tha Truth Of Tha Matter Is , They have (the normal people) Have Called Tha Police Several
and e(Y)e Wasn’t Always Allowed To Go Home … ,

but Back To Tha Topic At Hand ,

e(Y)e Don’t Think e(Y)e Could Ever Commit Suicide , Altho e(Y)e Am a Great Candidate For Such A Task At Hand … ,

but e(Y)e Feel As if e(Y)e Am a Breathing Corpse As e(Y)e Spin Further and Further Into Tha Corner Of Tha Universe … , and When You Reach That Wall , There Is No Where Else To Go … , it isn’t a Trap , More So Lyke a Terribly Unusual Scenic Route … , With Little Contact To Thee Outside World … ,

Which Is Honestly Why e(Y)e Judge Tha “normal” Society So Easily …, e(Y)e Have Been Left Behind Long Ago and Once You Rip Throo Tha Wall Within That Universal Corner … , There is No Going Back … ,

e(Y)e Dunno , It’s Jus e(Y)e Can’t Imagine Any Other Individual Going Throo What e(Y)e’ve been Throo and Naught Somewhere Along tha Way Think of Suicide … , Let Alone Actually Do It …,

So e(Y)e Guess Tha Topic Sentence Itself Is Some Foggy Realization That Perhaps Why Tha Universe Seems So Chaotic , is Because e(Y)e , Underneath It All , Wish e(Y)e Was Dead … , but When Fear clouds My Tinted Glass Eye WIndows , e(Y)e Pray and Hope That e(Y)e Won’t Die OR Get Killed … ,

A Fine Lyne e(Y)e Suppose …,

N e Hoo , Since My Post Probs Bored You To Life & Or Perhaps Made Yoru Own Coffin Space More Depressing Then It Already Was ,

Here’s a Song … ,

It Always Cheers Me Up …,

and On Tha Topic At Hand , On a Side Note … ,

My Questions is ,

Is Going To a Store Out In Public a Tough Situation For You (???) , Do People Gaze At You and Always Try and See Why You Are There Or What It is You Are Interested In (???) ,

and does Your Personal Reality Get Chaotic Sorta Within An Ideas Of Reference Kind Of Way , As a Negative Spider Web Of Connectivity Of Sorts (???)

I hate going to stores, because of the feeling I have there. But it’s getting better. I gradually accepted the capitalist society and now I can go to stores without feeling like an anti capitalist alien.
People don’t gaze at me, but when they start conversations I always feel awkward at first, not knowing exactly what to say, that eventually passes and I learned how to chit-chat again.

Not anymore, the meds are working really well on that. But it took me almost a year to be able to not have those feelings. Still linger a bit, sometimes, but I’m able to shake them off.

If You Don’t Mynde Me Asking ,

How So (???)

Well, I keep reminding myself that my mind plays these tricks on me. And I know them, I know what kind of tricks they are and how they work so I’m able to shake them off by realizing they’re delusions and start thinking of something else


e(Y)e Am Rite Now , Upon Tha Self Discovery Of Trying To Fynde Out What Tha Word “delusion” Truly Means … ,
e(Y)e Am Tha First To Scream At a Dictionary Of Terms For People Who Go Throo Daily Battles Within Tha Isolation Of Schizophrenia … ,

and Tha Last T(Y)me e(Y)e Was At Tha Institution , My Doctor Walked Up To me and Was Happi That e(Y)e Wasn’t Telling Him " to go ■■■■ himself " … ,

He Was Lyke , " don’t you remember you were screaming and cussing at me " ,

e(Y)e Jus Sat There and Smiled In a Odd Humoristic Way , Kinda Saying "sorry I do that sometimes but sorry " … , and He Jus Rolled His Eyes As If To Say , “don’t worry you are an ok kid deep down” ,

Can e(Y)e Ask You Another Question (???)



What Does Tha Word Delusion Mean To You (?) … ,

Tha Term , Tha Word , Tha Truth To Such a Defined Problem We All Face Daily …

I believe it to be a belief that isn’t real. The delusions I battle daily consist on grandiose, thinking I am god and persecution (that people are out to get me, don’t like me from the beginning, are plotting against me). The rest of them (telepathy, people wanting me dead, seeing demons, amongst others) just vanished, I think I’m doing pretty well considering.

Yeah You Really Are , As To What e(Y)e See On Thus Forum … ,

and Ok Thus May Look and Seem Simplistic As Something e(Y)e Should Be Completely Aware Of but For Some Reason e(Y)e Over-looked Thus Frame Of Thinking … ,

Which e(Y)e Am Severely Guilty Of …

Ok Cool ,

Thanks Yo …

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(Thread Sidetracking) ,

(In Honour Of @Turningthepage) ,

One Mo Fo Tha Road … , (Explicit) (Trigger Warning)

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Kendrick is good. I like him a lot. My favorite rappers currently are Lil Wayne, Kendrick Lamar and Gucci Mane. All the other rappers these days I don’t like that much. I like the old school stuff better. But those 3 i Like.

(Side Note) ,

Can Someone Tell Me Why Tha V(Y)D’$ e(Y)e Post Arent Working (???)

They work for me. But some videos have not been working for me lately for some reason.

Well Damn … ,

Thus Sucks …

People are always looking at me, but i’m usually wearing strange clothes, so I try not to think about it.

What I find difficult is when people talk to me, because I feel pressured to keep talking to them and I usually wind up rambling

If things work out with this interview on monday, i’m gonna go see if I can get a nice vape pen, because I was thinking it would probably be healthier too.

What Tha Hell Is a “vape pen” (???)

It’s like a big fancy e cigarette that you just buy the fluid for

Oh Ok Cool ,

e(Y)e Once Bought Fluid For That Stuff and Was Bored Doing Nothing , Didn’t Even Have An E Cigarette Jus Tha Liquid , Cause Tha Label Looked So Heavenly … ,

and e(Y)e Was Bored out of My Mynde and On Tha Mini Bottle It Had a Warning Strip That Said (DONT DRINK) ,

e(Y)e Rolled My Eyes and Said To Myself , " DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO " … ,

So e(Y)e Drank Thee Entire Mini Bottle Of Fluid …,

and To My Surprise That Is Something You Aren’t Supposed To Do … ,

So e(Y)e Threw Up 6 T(Y)me$ ,

In About 5Min.s … ,

It Was Pretty Annoying … ,

To Say Tha Least … ,

Got Over It , and Learned , That If a Bottle Says “DONT DRINK” , Then It is a Good Idea To Naught Drink it …

That’s a lot of nicotine O.O

You could probably OD if you spilled it in your pocket or something and didn’t notice

Damn! Glad you’re okay from after that :anguished: