Passed out and came to at 7pm, thinking 7am. Dazed and confused. The material world feels so flexible, like the bum cross I sent back for a refund. It should’ve resisted being bent! No way was that what I’d have expected from sterling silver. LT wanted me to review the item, so I tried, with a computer glitch. Maybe it went thru anyway. Wait and see. A cross should not yield to pressure. It ought to be made of tough stuff. It shouldn’t bend under the strain… A blip of a dream: seeing the Seven Dwarfs on a TV screen at night… If this is what my med is gonna be like, then I should be on a better one. This is just too weird. I’m capable of writing and doing creative work today, but I don’t feel like a biological organism. My mind is as AI as this PC. Strawberry fields, okay? Nothing is real. I don’t want to feel like this every day. Yes, I have ability on the drug, but “reality” is so malleable, so fragile, like a piece of molten wax. Reminds me of Descartes with a piece of wax in a meditation. What was his argument there? It doesn’t matter, since a computer can do all my thinking for me. There can be a robot replica of me, of all the information in my brain, here, tonight, waiting to replace me. I only have to hit “accept.”
PC is not potent of love but apparently you do😉
Surprised by your reply. Ezra Pound: “Amo, ergo sum” (“I love, therefore I am”). It’s been a test. Good day to you. The sun is clearing the housetop across the street as I type. Like a beacon or the Phoenix after a battery of nightmares. The light trembles like leaves. We’ll see what the day brings.
You are a great poet obviously, not of those who can produce harmonical words but a real one, you are the “commander of speech”,
Wow, thank you. I think my new med, Vraylar, is finally really starting to work. I feel like a whole self rather than divided in two. Like a soul newly experiencing the sunshine. It’s amazing, like grace. Peace to you, Ali.
My thoughts are unusual enough that a bent cross would have seemed significant and I would keep it in an endearing sentiment.
Okay. I saw it as a sign of flimsy faith, but I like your view, too.
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