met with a woman about befriending opportunity only to be told i cant do it bc i use mental health services myself (i am like a service user)
went to my clubhouse had lunch and looked at other opportunities (thinking about just giving up searching now) maybe just be grateful for what i’ve got and be happy with that.
after that i saw my psychiatrist and he was impressed and said i should keep taking meds and that they would only review them after years of stability. so i was like ‘ok’ (i’m not that bothered but i’d rather not be on anything if i had a choice) but it would only be possible if i was cured.
after this i went to my cuz’s place and helped out a bit (he wanted me to help him move furniture bc he had a new carpet fitted but his friend was there and i felt like a spare part lol, had a cuppa and then home.
was out again tonight for a takeaway and met a friend and we did a little shopping,
I went for a fifteen minute bike ride .
Something is something.
Gym chicks said I’m not welcome but I’m ok with that.
That’s with them really…
I picked tomatoes.
I packed some of my bags (they are stored away though)because I think I’m moving out in a few months because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life here.
I plan on leaving a peaceful loving home and a man I love .
Hope I will not go depressed hopeless etc but I’m waiting til my mum comes from overseas to help me.
I have not told my boyfriend yet.
Will not tell him for a few months I think.
Scared he will not want to be friends with me and that he might go angry and cruel .
I spent the afternoon playing boardgames with my son. I love how we can do fun things together and have nice chats now he is older. He is nice company, I love him as my kid of course, but I also genuinely like his personality that starts to take shape. He is kind and broadly interested.
I feel content and happy. Scary thoughts are very much in the background.
Yesterday evening I had a birthday party of a kid of my friends. I was the only Dutch between all Arab people. It was fun, scary (in the sense that I felt insecure because I didn’t know the cultural “rules” and the language) and interesting.
Its snowing out. I’ll be able to snowshoe and try to cross-country skiing. Maybe tomorrow afternoon.
Working on an idea. In the process of brainstorming and dumping. Not yet ready to start the creation phase. My hubby thinks I need to skip this process and just create. But what is the point, other than for myself, if I can’t make it work as a feasible biz. He thinks I’m just stalling from creating and from finding a real job outside of the house. Blah, maybe so, but i’m onto something here.
Finally hung up my rulers and cutting mats. 3M hooks and hanging thingamabobs are awesome.
Did my personal and house laundry.
Emptied the dishwasher
Fed the dog.
Those are just my usual chores but it was a little stressful today so I’m making it a super accomplishment.
I walked the dogs around the yard (don’t know how I will do without them)and fed the older dog her special food.
Told my sacred neigh I plan on leaving the most peaceful loving home I have ever had and a man I love and that I plan on moving her interstate to a place where I think she will be happier.i also made up food bags for her and gave her molasses.
I bought chockolate.
My grandma told me to.
She said it is a great snack but then again she is very disciplined.
She eats a small bit of 70% dark chocolate once a day with her coffee but leaves it at that.she does not eat the whole bar but only a little.
I also bought a healthy kombucha drink.
Thankful for my things and nice to see the guys at the shop.
It’s nice to see people around such as familiarity.
Because I do not have friends familiarity is important to me such as seeing familiar faces around etc
I would pay my boyfriend to be my friend when I move out but I’m scared he will get angry with me.
I would pay half of his internet bill and help with other bills for at least a year after we seperate if he stays my friend.
Hope he will.i love him so much can’t stand the thought of losing him as a friend too and then I might fall in to depression and miss him so much.
hey guys, interesting posts, lots of things going on
yesterday
went to church (i feel like i’m making progress but 'd like to learn more in order to be a better christian) i said to my friend that i didnt feel christian enough even though i believe. i’d like to be a better christian.
had coffee
went to my mums and had lunch took dog to the park
visited my ex who is in hospital just now and watched their dog for a while
Where is freak on a leash?
He usually posts here pretty often.
A few others I miss seeing around too.
Anyway three positives for me today:
Did the grocery shopping.
I Plan on going to yoga tonight (intention surely can count)
I am eating grapes from the garden trying not to think of why …why…why…why am I leaving the most loving peaceful home I have ever had and a boyfriend I love and don’t fight with…
Why …
Maybe it’s many little reasons but it seems like madness yet it seems to be my decision and I am already making plans but do not plan on telling my boyfriend yet.
This thread is an explosion of appreciation. Love it.
Mine are:
I ate well and resisted the urge to buy an ice cream bar.
I went for about an hour walk in a beautiful park.
I read a few pages of a novel in Spanish and understood most of it.
To keep myself accountable I’ll list my goals for tomorrow:
Go to my local soup kitchen to ask about volunteering
Get addresses for the thank you cards I wrote today
Go to a 12-step meeting
I am pretty knackered now as its been a full day with little to no rest.
took mum shopping
went to clubhouse for job interview and joined the action group where our supporting charity came over with their media team to discuss doing a video, also helped another member write to bands on facebook about performing at a benefits gig in May
met friends for coffee
went to piano lesson
haven’t had a rest all day so its good to put my feet up now and come one here
.
from the garden trying not to think of why …why…why…why am I leaving the most loving peaceful home I have ever had and a boyfriend I love and don’t fight with…