Went tulip picking today. Spent the day with my younger sister and one my cousins I haven’t seen in awhile. It was such a good day and it was also nice out.
Got some new earrings.
Spending some time with my dad… watching some old african shows
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Saw my baby girl.
A quickie but nice to say g’day.
I did some washing.
I made chick pea salad and schnitzel vegan and potato onion and beans.
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I had a bad craving for pizza yesterday so we drove out to our fav place and they only had two slices left which had been sitting awhile so they gave them to us for totally free. I told them I would have paid for them because they were in pretty good shape but at any rate they were delicious
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Got my new Atari usb Trooper joystick and its fun playing retro 2600 and other video games on it.
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Slept well so far
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I went out to a festival today at the forestry place, It was great,
here are a few things they were teaching-
- Bee keeping and how to make proper ginger beer (the original way) with honey and ginger, and he gave me some to try
it was superb tbh, he also had mead wine. - There was a bit of cooking oatcakes and veg soup on an old fashioned log fire with iron pots hanging from a tripod
- Dying wool using lychan and a certain type of black mushroom the way they did in the olden days, boiling it in a pot on a piece of string.
- I also joined in with the old fashioned waulking of the Tweed which women used to do for the finishing of the production of the Harris Tweed, they were singing Gaelic songs as well.
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Quit the gym.
Too many people and i don’t go well with most people.
It’s good because it saves me money.
Hopefully I can make myself exercise.
Showered.
Went for a walk.
I cried while walking.
Socialites can be so ugly and fake even though they look good n nice they ain’t.
Well i had a great day today with my mum, i took her to a palace and we walked around the picturesque shops and had lunch,
The palace was big and had guides talking about the history of the place, the lady we saw first was really nice and we chatted to her (she was hot) and she had a nice English accent and demeaner.
The stairs were a bit of an obstacle as they were twisted and my mum needed extra help to navigate them without falling. i must have driven at least 115 miles.
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For yesterday
Spoke with one of my closest besties on phone.
Hopefully he will be getting his own apartment soon and have more independence.
He said people had said “what the f uck are you looking at” to him for no reason.
How can people treat a sacred man like him with such disrespect.
Was sick but had Panadol at home.still sick.positive is Panadol and meds.
My dog got a outing for about five minutes but hopefully he enjoyed himself.
Had an interesting day, weeded through lots of unknown tracks from various free download albums, spent lotsa time improvising on my guitar, cleaned up my beloved 7string awaiting new strings… gotta get my LP copy ready for fret polishing
I unloaded the dishwasher, petted Ashton, the cat, and got a snail mail letter off.
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I have Panadol at home which is good as I have fever.
I just want to go to sleep.
I want to move to a place I can be free be me no stuck up one’s behaving fake n ugly n suppressive and belittling but where I’m valued appreciated loved and free to be myself and just be and do little daily tasks.
I don’t know what country since my government are stuck up thinking they are superior when they are not.
Maybe it’s just a matter of realestate no matter what country if you have land then you can be free there but i can’t afford to buy places as such.
My nature and being could grow and be and do good just by existing in peace.
I would be picky who is aloud near me and I would be able to keep unwanted visitors away.
Sa was perfect and only place I ever felt at home til his friends visited because they tried bossing me about and that was not ok by me.
It’s difficult to know whether to rug or not rug this time of year because nights are cool and days warm.
Love 
my girl.
So what if I don’t have girl friends like the girls at gym n their soccer club n stuck up socialite ways I rather be alone than have such people around me n they are on all sides of politics.
No dinners and parties no I ain’t a socialite and I don’t have girl friends and only have a few male friends who are x.
I guess I am a minority and I want to be treated with respect valued loved by my girlfriend not compare herself to me be jealous and suppressive n belittling.
One of my besties has no friends except me and people treat him like sh it worthless trash but he is sacred n valued by me.
We are alone and sometimes actually every day I just want to sleep 
.when I’m sleeping I don’t feel bad as such.maybe i should be awake just five hours a day but I have insomnia.maybe olanzapine would make me more sedated.and fatter though.ha ha ha not fatter.
I will not give Christmas presents to my family next year or i will only give Christmas presents to a hand ful of my closest.
They think I’m intimidated by them but I’m not I simply don’t want to tolerate their disrespect supressing me and belittling me and excluding me and trying to dominate me etc
I admire some people and hold high but these guys are too busy holding themselves high and looking down at those beneath them in their opinion.
I don’t go well with people.
I’m a bit lonely.
Thankfully I have a precious few.
I might get kicked out of apartment where I live if she doesn’t let me live here unconditionally because I will not meet her family again who think they are my superior and that I’m trash.
I will avoid them.
I refuse to be auntie to a baby I think was born bad and who could be nazi like and stuck up.
No thank you.
Where will I go.
As a person i don’t have the financial freedom or independence.
Maybe my boyfriend and I can take care of each other but I’m in charge of finances because he sucks at that n doesn’t pay his bills properly.
Tomorrow i will see my girl even if I’m unwell.
Miss her .
On this forum there is a minority I go well with.ha ha ha ha ha not most peoples cuppa.that could be a good thing it is as it is.
I nolonger pay $5 month to wayside chapel I don’t think and I nolonger give to wwf I don’t think.
I’m only on the pension so maybe the millionaires can give to them instead.
I have decided I will try to stop eating breakfast.
I can’t lose weight by exercising so what can I do but try to not have breakfast.
This is a positive because it’s a possibility to healthy weight loss if it works.
I don’t go with society specially since governments are against me both sides labour and liberal have it in for me personally.
They have no say as such because I am who I am and stand as I stand .
I vote animal justice party do g know if they are against me too.
I will not spend Christmas with “family”.
I will give them presents but next year they won’t get any.
They wanted to control me supress and think I’m beneath them so that’s how they treat me.
I’m done.
No thank you not even if you pay me.
Not ok.
Treat me beautifully.
I will want to be with those who value me respect me and treat me well and maybe like of love me and let me be free.
I do best free.
I’m worth more when I’m free to be me without others trying to suppress my being to non existent.
I’m blabbering.
The gyms don’t suit me.
I don’t go with people at either gyms.
Is there a gym for me I. The world?
I don’t think so.
Not a gym for me in the whole wide world ?
Comfortable and good.
Maybe I can exercise at home.
What goals do I have when I just want to sleep….
Lose few kg or seven kg in healthy way so fit my clothes again.
Meet people who are real and who are kind to me and my type of people who can let me be me and accept me as am.
Somewhere in world or maybe in several countries I have such people.
Give love to those who deserve me.
Get away from supressers.
Be activist and vegan.
There are some goals n try to exercise.
I have a best friend who is a girl but we don’t have physical contact.
I’m sure it’s not a delusion that we are besties.
I have sleeping tablets.
I have Panadol.
Bought a beautiful nail polish, anti biotics, coconut water and throat tablets.
Got to see my girl.
Quickie but still nice.
Got to talk with my boyfriend on the phone.
Ha ha ha he doesn’t usually answer his phone weekdays nor reply to text so I got 
lucky.
We spoke for a while and he put up with listening to my blabbering even though he doesn’t like talking on phone.
Managed to walk my dog around the block.
I don’t do that often because there are people…
Met my girl.
Showered and washed my hair.
I was able to order a set of strings for my 7 string, a set of test strings for a project guitar, and a fret polishing kit, which should benefit my LP model at least, but since I’m changing the strings on my 7string I might as well do it then. But all in all I’m looking forward to it.
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A man smiled at me and a woman said thank you.
Nice .
It was in alcohol shop.
I cried all day and listened to my favourite music.
I got to see my girl and give her a nana.
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Bought some alcohol.
I don’t drink alcohol often and i don’t drink much when I do drink.
I walked my dog around the block.
This is a big deal to me as there are people out.
Listened to my favourite radio.
Marilyn Manson came on too.
They play him regularly thankfully.
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I had some good meditations today
My mom and her boyfriend helped put up window dressings at my house today
I had a good time with my fiancée today
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a warm house
a nice walk with good music
internet connection
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Saw my girl.
Only for a minute n she didn’t look like herself but got to see her anyway.
Bought a few groceries.
I have alcohol and am enjoying it today.
I’m not a alcoholic.
Was a binge drinker but not anymore.
Just had a glass of wine for breakfast.
My brothers wife is a alcoholic but she drinks night time only but every night so he said.
I’m glad I’m not a alcoholic.
Hope I don’t become one now I can’t go to any gyms and avoid people etc
Naaaa i will not be one because I don’t want to buy a little drink can be ok for me.
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Went shopping at aldi.
Saw my dr and got zoplicone.
Scored a miraculous bargain which was vegan supplement for only $1.
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