3 Positives #3

  • had coffee with friends
  • attended my clubhouse
  • picked up meds
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My house cleaner was over, I really get along with her well

Went for a walk

It’s a little hard today because of the wasp sting, but I did play some guitar. Felt great

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i could do with one of them

and one of them too

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I need a cleaner now, my back is so screwed up from my accident. It would take me four days, to do what she does in 2 hours. It is so very worth it

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Watched my friends pets
Texted my brother some jokes
Read some Basho haiku

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My brushes are here and I found that my hands are a good deal steadier then I thought. I’m gonna practice like mad and hopefully I’ll make a good paint job on this miniature I’m doing.

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  • I managed to get up and get some food and water into me, took meds.

  • I drove to college and although it was hard i did learn a lot and i even finished an assessment which i handed in electronically,

  • The last half hour was the hardest as my chest got a bit tighter but i drove home and luckily did not crash (i had a scary moment) and i met up with a couple of guys for coffee.

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  1. Went for a walk
  2. Did my exercises
  3. Wrote some poetry
  4. And the bonus round, my house cleaner was in today. I always feel better when the house is cleaned top to bottom
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i exercised for 30 minutes.

i walked my brothers dogs and baked muffins.

i am feeling pretty at peace despite being upset about my father promised to give me something then he gave it to his x girlfriend instead.
then he promised to give me something else but gave that to his other x girlfriend instead and then he promised to give me something else but is giving that to his wife instead and a peanut for me if anything.he doesnt value me.he doesnt appreciate me.he doesnt love me but has a bit of like for me sometimes.im getting a peanut in his will and he is giving everything to his wife and if he is still giving to my bro and sis and not me then i will be upsetter.he said my sister is his favourite and he doesnt like me and my bro and would happily have gone without us.he molested me.he always said my legs are too short and im not smart enough or blone n pretty enough when i was child and said im so stupid at chess so i never played again after he mocked how stupid i was.

he always remembered my bithdays and x mas and he kept in touch and in his older days has even complimented me and even said he thinks im intelligent because his x is a genius and she thought i was smart.he is funny and can make me laugh not often but i dont laugh often.
he can be empathetic to animals and nature and i appreciate all the good about him and love him unconditionally and forgive him for not loving me more and for not holding me high and for saying my sister is his favourite and she deserves more than me even though she had a easy life.

i am thinking of avoiding my sister and nephew and his dad because they patronise me, disrespect me and think they are my superiors.
its NOT ok to treat me the way they do.
my dad probably encouraged them because he thinks they are superior to me and im trash.
thats why my dad said i have to have a abortion but oh no when my sis was pregnant he cried tears of joy and she had to have her baby but i HAD to have a abortion because im trash.
everyone in my family said i have to have a abortion and i wish i was strong enough to make my own decision back then but i was psychotic.

i will avoid sister, her husband and their son who treat me bad.
they knew from the start i wouldnt be his favourite auntie and that he would not respect me nor love me.
i gave them love and what did i get back? hate and disrespect and patronising me.

they paid the other auntie to babysit but i didnt even get a thank you instead they expected it and disrespected me.

they paid her and they did not pay me.
they love her.they dont ove me.
they respect her they dont respect me so my intentions to be a good auntie were there but when the kid treats you bad and disrespects you its not ok.

i step away from auntie roll.
i will not be active in his life.
i will avoid him.
he reminds me of chris hemsworth and i think he is stuck up.

i want to remove people from my life but i cant because then i will probably lose ones i love and want in my life who are close to them.

my brother and i are not close but he treats me sooooo much better than my sister does.
he doesnt hate me.
he isnt that patronising as she is either.

the good thing is im cool.
i just dont want people like that around me.

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also when i was around 18 my dad told me i shuld be a prostitute.

what kind of father says that to his daughter?

he said it more than once.

he would never ever say that to my sister.
she has long legs, blone , blue eyed, went to uni everything he wanted.

i was a stripper and masturbated for money but i never had sex for money.i was never prostitute.
i was paid 1000 kr to masturbate in porno which is peanuts to what all the other girls were getting.
then i was naked online for free.ha ha ha

i was easy when drunk too but was also raped more times than i can remember.
my sister only ever had one man.

good about that is im cool. yes im at peace.

i have my x boyfriend who loved me more than anyone has ever loved me.

i choose that i choose who i want for a father and or if i dont want a father at all.
ideally a father should adore his daughter.not pretend to.

i appreciate the good about him and love him unconditionally but im over it.

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Hey, it can be good money. I dated a stripper for a while. She was a cool girl and we had fun together but we really didn’t have anything in common so I couldn’t see a future with her and I eventually broke up with her.

I wrote a new verse in one of my songs about a dead homeless schizo i used to know

I got my new bmx bike in the mail and even managed to assemble some of it, which distracted me from the evil thoughts for a bit

I made it through the workday without any disasters (i got fired from my last job because i briefly lost control)

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  1. Went for a nice long walk
  2. Play guitar, working on a new song
  3. Had a long text chat with a buddy
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  • I was at my clubhouse today but i didnt do much
  • Had a mac d’s
  • I Just finished recording my Friday show and i’m just checking its ok, i had a lot of trouble with my tech so i was worried i might not be able to do it but managed it somehow, :slight_smile:
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  1. Went to work. I had a delivery route that was far away so I got paid to drive down the highway doing nothing for 1.5 hours listening to the radio, easy money!
  2. Now relaxing
  3. Probably going to have fast food for dinner, too lazy to cook.
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  • I got up early and had online lessons 9am- 12.30pm (music appreciation and USP
  • I went to my clubhouse & did a little bit of canva & drew some areas on the whiteboard.
  • I had pizza & started work on my Halloween/Guy Faulkes show for the 29th. updated my radio show for this Friday 22nd, I also applied for student account on spotify :slight_smile: been looking up some spooky songs as well.
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Got a Keurig

Got salted caramel cold brew from Starbucks

Got some rest today.

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Had a doctor’s appointment to get blood drawn today. The nurse was great, we had a few laughs

went over to my buddy Bob’s, to mixdown a couple more of our band songs. Starting to sound good

My birthday is on Sunday, so my sister is taking me out to our favourite Vietnamese restaurant on Friday, her treat

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slept 5 hours without a sleeping tablet.yeay!
something is something.
i prefer to sleep 10 hours but just happy i didnt need a sleeping tablet as i rather avoid when i can but love love love to have them incase but been taking them about 5 nights a week lately.

made daal for 2 of my loved ones.

spoke to my boyfriend on the phone for ages.
he usually never text or call me during the week or answer my call even.
i love him so so much and he is amazing sex but been thinking if we should be just friends because he smokes, eats junk, doeasnt exercise r take care of himself,irresponsible with money, doesnt text me weekdays and because my x in sa is my favourite person.i didnt have the best se with my x in sa but he is the one i love most like soul mate.
was thinking i should have a boyfriend who exercises, takes care of himself, doesnt eat meat, is not in debt and irresponsible with money but thriving,cares about environment and animals.
im thinking leonardo dicaprio would make a great boyfriend for me ha ha ha but my x in sa too as number one but that he now stopped eating meat and is caring for environment and animals and my current boyfriend could be a close friend .golly knows about sex because my x in sa and i were not sexual much but my current boyfriend and i are sexual.how who would i sex? i only want one to sex .

i hope my x in sa and i can have a relationship now and in future.
maybe he doeanst feel the same about me.
he is the person i love most.
but i left him to become vegan and care for environment and animals.
i couldnt stand to eat meat.

i was forsing myself to eat meat just to please him so he didnt worry i was malnourished in his opinion.

i left perfect home and family to be true to myself and my values and morals.

i love spending time with my boyfriend and i love him dearly.
he is one of my favourites but he is not my favourite and not even top 4 favourite.

he might quit smoking though.

i worry if i break up with him i might loose him as a friend and he will not hang out with me anymore.
and i do enjoy sex with him.

i think my current boyfriend and i are like close friends who have sex.
but i feel my x in sa is like my soul mate.

was nice to have someone nice to talk to on the phone anyway.

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I’m a hopeless romantic @SacredNeigh7 and follow your story with interest. I always hope and pray that in the future you get to return to your soulmate in SA as you obviously care for him and love him so much.

Wishing you well.

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