i was 24 heavy in meth use, i went from spontaneity wild party fun easy life style, to getting involved with a man only because i was infatuated by his physical attraction and his desire to want to be with me. never was i comfortable i did not talk much and drugs were perfect fit to try fix my discomfort i got with being with this man, i never ate slept expressed any sign i was not okay, i lived many months in fear delusional thinking big consperecys plots against me and hells angels were secretively trying to kills me. it never went away and still i stayed with this man doing more more drugs. i didnt talk about what was happening to anybody for long time, been in psychosis dozens of times. eventually i got pregnant still in delusional state. quite as a mouse all was good on the out side , while im trying to make sence of what is going on in the inside, i even thought i wasnt pregnant and my bf poisened me crying out to my self what did he do to me , what is inside of me" i never realized i had a problem, still think i dont, now that guy i spent time with is my childs father stuck in affiliation with drug relation life style abandoned me and my child. its been 6 years now and for all those days months years, it has been his voice in my head talking to me, lieing , contridicting me, promising me, demanding me, aangry at me, hes gotten alot better, i hated my self for so long not understanding why i was not like the other mothers so full of joyes moments and laughter , laughter i forgotten what that felt like for 4 years, denial is still whats pleging me from the limitations i have but wont admit to or look at or believe , i think its a good thing for now, perception always changes, guy voice makes me doubt think when i dont want to invades my sex life my every day experience it is never known how im gonna feel or not feel respond or not respond believe un true things or counter act what is not fact. im un motivated, unsure if parenting will work out. as i convince my self i have been gifted to raise my children, but can only handle thus , big house , fancy vechels nice clothes marriage career, is all a wish a dream. but today i can say things have gotten better, ive indulged in heavy stimuli to self help educating my self occupying my time making choices with lack of understanding but moving foreword im still yet to discover the right method to my madness i call guy voice, in doc terms schizophrenia. sorry for being all over thew place
Moved to DX’ed - Other (from Unusual Beliefs).
Pixel.
(Wearing moderator hat)
From what I understand that meth stuff makes people that arent predisposed to sz psychotic,so that stuff is probably bad for everybody.
it took away alot some how i made it work in my favour , but the consequens is i lost my kids and im stuck with to very diffulult things to get under control to eventualy detract and recover from all together.