I just broke my charger
I kinda wasted today. Iām paranoid and I didnāt hit the box
I have to start over again ā¦
Finally just a spec of progress. Today was my first day at this gig. I got paid today. Just a couple hours. Tomorrow is 8 to 8. Anyday after tomorrow will have to be a 1pm-to 8 because I have to do outpatient. I have court in four weeksā:fearful:
ingalls will take two weeks for the psychiatric outpatient. Iāll just act normal and act normal. I have to do iop for jane.
What my schedule is looking like . On top of work .
3x a week for 2 weeks: ingalls
4x/week for 4 weeks: hazel crest
1 x / week for 4 weeks:hazel crest
ā¦1 x week for 30 weeks: bsā¦
I have to stay sober tomorrowā¦ maybe I can go on some free meds on the journey. I canāt wait until I get a car. And my teeth hidden. I guess Iām readyā¦to startā¦every step counts. I have a master planā
I have to stay weed free,no cigarettes,. Oh my I really just lost my flowers
I didnāt hit the box in two days which is good
I divided todayās earnings in three accounts.
Personal,rent,car theory. Itās a start.Iāll just build it from here. Iāll be honest if I mess up. Tomorrow Iāll do the same. I really have to tackle this other stuff though lol
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Yesterday I did a full day at the job. The best part was when they let me drive. Al gave me the keys to pull the car in to the garage. The second time was when I had to follow Glen so he can drop a car off. That was my first time driving a mini van. Once I got off I met up with soe. It wasnāt wise so Iām not doing it today. I over spent yesterday. I purposely broke and torn a cigarette apart. Lessons learned
Everybody donāt need to know your business.
Bledsoe is uncle fu
Work
man looks like you are keeping busy! Good job!
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Thanks very bro
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I have a interview tomorrow@ 1. Itās a cooking positionā¦ehhh Iāll go but idk if theyāll hire me. I need a break. Corroded paranoia. I guess itās just the devilā¦I kinda liked the car place but I canāt go with the chemicals. Itās always a attack.
B dubs vs car detailing
Few videos coming today.
I was discharged from both outpatient services, court is May 13th. Friday the 13th
Today was a thirty dollar box run. The old box routine I dread. Soeās sister had friends over and they tried something possibly. Iām just a.zombie
Social anxiety, just a simple a+b=c . I donāt want to say nervous but some anxiety. I feel better since Iām home. I was rambling on here while in the midst of a awkward situation. One girl referred to be as āitā and asked Soeās sister if we was friends on Facebookā¦ I donāt get on Facebook. I locked myself out.
I still have time. I know I can do it but I canāt put myself in a situation like that.
I think Soeās sister likes me a little. I donāt blame her Iām a likeable fellow. But thatās his sister so sheās like my little sister but idk whatās going on. I just peep certain things.
Iām the silent guy. While three females are dancing in the living room to whatever spell bound song, I am on my phone going nothing. The at least the other people are talking.Iāll talk but not talkative around New people.
Iām comfortable with my ninjas and what not . Even New ninjas Iām cool with. It is what it is. But femalesā¦I feel like if a guy doesnāt live up to her expectations she gets disappointed. Iām not saying this is a valid statement or opinion.
I just be like ā¦Iāll talk but Iām not trying anything. Iām not even on nothing. And I donāt want them to think I am because Iām not!
I just mind my own field. In a cloud of questions. If my teeth was like Hollywoodās finest would it change the fact that I feel uneasy about communicating with new people while other new people are observing me?
It would help but it wouldnāt change it. Iām ok with that. I can just act. Act like I am carrying this conversion with ease. If itās just one on one then thatās different. If I feel like Iām being watched then I feel uneasy.
Maybe itās something Iāll eventually perfect. I remember eye contact use to feel weird. Like in high school I couldnāt look at this girl in her eyes. It was very strange. Itās somewhat normal know.
Honestly Iāll watch movies and learn from that. Body language, posture, everything. Even in the hood(my area) you have to blend in if you are like me. I learn and try to apply it the next time. But somethings came naturally somethings I have to master.
Really I have to stay sober. Thatās going to solve a lot cold turkey. Maybe stopping everything at once is difficult. I should just say. Today I didnāt _____ . tomorrow I wonāt _____ or ______. Wednesday I wonāt , and ā¦blank.
I really have to break off from all these people. Friends of friends. Iāll see them again eventually , but Iāll be better. Although we shouldnāt be defined by physical things. Like a car or a check or even haircut and new shoes.
Dinner@6 is pancakes . I have dinner stuff but Iām just rolling with Mrs Butterworth.
A movie to watch?..I guess itās" my bossās daughter" in twenty five minutes
Tomorrowā¦? ā¦Try to avoid the whole box routine, Soe and such.apply and ā¦stay sober really. I havenāt been sober for a full week since October of last year.
Pancakes took a while but yea .I shouldāve made spaghetti lol
I just went out of my way to send that friend requestā¦we shall see what doesnāt happen
I think sheās taking my soul already. I can feel it all over again.