Know this is long but it is a scene I wrote…well re-wrote…today and I think I like it but I don’t know. Those negative voices are telling me it sucks but I don’t know what’s wrong with it.
It is a bit long sorry, I can understand if you can’t read it all,.
“Phoenix hang on,” he heard her sweet voice filled with worry and felt guilty for acting the way he’s been.
He stopped and let her catch up to him. He felt the first prickles of rain drops falling onto his skin, and looked up at the cloud covered sky. She caught up to him and saw the yellow folder in her hand; He blinked
at it, “Another case?”
She nodded, “It’s in Bridgeton. Do we have our equipment in the trunk? Otherwise I could borrow some of Lilith’s”
“Always, it’s too far to drive all the way back home in case someone calls in.” He groaned when he heard her name. Nerina looked puzzled at him, “That woman has been getting on my last nerves lately.”
“She can be a bit hard to work with when she gets stuck in her ways, but I think she’s right. If we close the portal now how will he leave our world?”
A strange sensation flowed through his body, like someone just walked inside of him. He wanted to shut down and block out the rest of the world, “I just want this damned thing to be over with. You know it’s been five years today since Shadow died?”
Nerina rubbed his shoulder, “I know how close you two were. You were like brothers. Is that what’s been bothering you lately?”
He shrugged and started walking back to the parking lot. Nerina quietly followed, “I haven’t heard from Jade in a while, I wonder how she’s been.”
Phoenix stopped dead in his tracks, at the mention of Jade’s name, Nerina bumped into him and he shivered, “What’s wrong?”
They started walking slowly and he kept looking around as if searching for something, “The strangest sensation just went through me, like she’s here with us.”
Nerina couldn’t think of who he was talking about,“The Divine?”
“No, Jade.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that and just rubbed his arm up and down, a move he normally found relaxing. She could feel the tension inside of him, that oh so familiar helpless feeling imbued her.
Feeling dizzy Phoenix crawled into their 2015 Toyota Camry and sat there staring at the window while the droplets of rain started getting faster and more frequently. He didn’t realize how long he sat there not moving; it took Nerina’s voice to bring him back to the car, “Is something wrong? Do you want me to drive? You seem a bit distracted this morning.”
His head did a sharp turn and his mouth moved into the strangest of smiles, he could see the fear in her eyes but it didn’t match the fear he had himself…he knew then that he wasn’t controlling his own body, “Everything is going to be fine.”
He started the car and headed out of the parking space almost backing into the car behind him, the tires squealed as he turned and drove out of the parking lot. He was thankful for the construction work on Delmar making whatever controlled him and their car move at a slower space. He tried to move his body at his own will but he couldn’t get his arms or feet to respond. He knew from the rancid smell filling his nostrils that Dougal was
there with them. Dougal had taken over Phoenix and left Phoenix in fear, not for himself but for Nerina.
It wasn’t until they were on the Highway that he silently began praying to the Divine to watch over them and see them safely to their destination. He heard Dougal’s menacing laugh, “You think this Divine will help you now? You wanted this to be over, and it will be soon, trust me. There is nothing you can do.”
Dougal sped down the highway going well beyond the speed limit swerving between cars, “You can’t do this! I’m ordering you to leave and let our lives be filled with bliss. You cannot be here, you must disappear. I command you to leave, and request the Divine to protect all those who believe.”
A deep ominous laugh escaped through Phoenix’s throat, “You think your little spells can protect you? I’m inside of you now! I’m stronger than you will ever be you pathetic little male witch.”
Dougal swerved the car almost hitting a red Dodge truck, Phoenix closed his eyes as he heard Nerina beg him to slow down. He looked in the rear-view mirror, and saw himself turn to look at his wife, helplessly.
“I’m sorry, believe me I am.” He wanted to tell her, but his mouth didn’t open. He looked at his reflection. He bit his lip, and spoke to Dougal, “You can’t have my soul; I belong to the Divine. My body will return to her whether the cause of its demise is natural or not.”
“Hmm,” Dougal pondered, “What can make me change that?”
“Nothing,” he replied firmly.
Dougal let out a laugh and turned sharply towards Nerina and Phoenix tensed. Nerina stared at him with fear clearly written on her face. Phoenix looked ahead and screamed, “There’s a car! Turn!”
“What if I don’t?” For a brief moment time appeared to stop. The cars stopped moving and they were inches away from the hood of the car in front of them. “If I don’t you both die.”
“Neither one of us belong to you! We belong to the Divine!”
The clock was frozen at 11:28 AM. Things moved by inch by inch, almost like clicking through a camera with a brief pause after each click, click, click. It wasn’t natural, and he didn’t know what to do. “Take me,” he whispered.
The car swerved and it’s tired squealed as it nearly missed the car in front of them, “What was that I didn’t hear you.”
Another car came up within inches of another car, 11:29. “You can have me, just don’t hurt my wife please.”
Dougal made a sharp turn into the next lane avoiding yet another car only to speed up while laughing, “I knew you’d eventually cave to me.”
The clock turned 11:30 and Dougal made a sharp left turn and crashed into medium of Highway 270. The last thing Phoenix remembered was hearing his wife scream then all went silent. He felt his soul forcefully
ripped from his body and could feel the flames of hell and the smell of brimstone. He landed inside a red cave like room, only light coming in from a small glassless window so far up the wall he couldn’t even see out of it. By the sounds of the screaming souls outside of his four walls he probably didn’t want to look beyond it anyway.