Posted this here because I am hoping to get some feedback for you.
My son graduated from mental health court 2 weeks ago. He had an appointment to get his prolixin injection right after that. He did not go, and he knows he is no longer required to by law. He still has not been, and found out today that the lady who has been seeing C. all these years is retiring this month. She told me that C. needs to get in there so he can take the next step----meeting the new nurse practioner, having to start seeing a therapist ( a new rule if you want services or meds ).
C. wants me to do a lot of things for him—but not tell or suggest ANYTHING that has to do with his illness. he was obnoxious today, and I called later to tell him what his doctor told me. He cussed me out-said he was going to call his dad and get ME taken care of once and for all.
My question is::
Why is he always this way-and how can I stop this awful kind of talk?? Do any of you act this way towards your family everytime they see you? Do any of your loved ones suggest when it is time for meds, or anything that concerns this? Should I just let him fend for himself from here on out?
he is still having some pain from hip-replacement surgery, so I know he`s a little edgy from that-but he was acting this way before that happened. Is he paranoid, or just trying to take the subject off himself? Should I just never bring anything up to him again concerning his illness? Could he possibly be afraid of me?
Thanks for any response…Wish my son was more forthcoming about himself.
I don’t live with my family. My parents are no longer living.
It sounds like he needs some time to himself - I don’t know what he’ll do with it.
A sense of humor might help?
I can get irritable and I sometimes can be downright nasty - I get this way because of my mixed episodes(depression meets mania) I think that you are handling it the best way you can. Hang in there @bridgecomet Im sure things will get better
It has helped in the past. Guess I was in too much of a hurry to get to work today…and worried about him because he hasn`t had any meds for weeks.
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Thanks Wave 
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I get in “situations” with my parents where we get mad at each other but we never get into name-calling and I have NEVER used even one curse word towards my parents in my whole life. And I’ve never heard my sisters curse at my parents either. I never heard my friends curse at their mothers.
he is older enough to show you respect…
he is probably not actually angry with you…more his situation/illness and transferring this onto you.
try not to take it personally…i know it is hard.
take care
Seems to be normal for this kid of mine----at least when he`s upset…
**You are right…but what to do about it? **
Another thing that helps me is the idea - Life’s one continuous mistake. I don’t know how practical it is, but it makes things seem more OK.
Dr. Phil says, " You teach people how to treat you".
I cant say I taught him this--except that after all the " Im sorry-was stressed" I go back to being his caretaker: taking him to the grocery, laundry, errands…i know he is having a hard time with physical pain right now…well, maybe I should just tell him to call his dad when he`s acting like a jerk!! UGH !!!
it is admirable how much you care for your son…
but life even with an illness is a two way street.
you have to lay down rules;
- respect at all times.
- if he is in an odd mood , he has to have the self dicipline not to ring you or dump it on you.
- tell him you have a life, you still love him, but you won’t be at his beck and call.
- write him a point form letter ( not to wordy…he is a guy and a sz ) stating you love him unconditionally, you only want the best for him, and you recommend he does the following for his own health…i.e meds etc.
you have to let go, he knows what he should do, what he needs to do.
he maybe mentally ill but that is no excuse for continued bad behaviour.
basically he needs to grow up.
take care
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Why cant I tell myself this?? You nailed it-thats what I needed to hear.
Thank you XOXO **
You may not have taught him this directly, but you are teaching him there are no consequences for this disreputable behavior. By allowing it, he will not have to change.
The time to say something is right after it happens, not later when it’s over. Tell him that behavior is no longer allowed, then state the consequences that will directly affect his comfort level, as in you will no longer do things for him to make his life easier, then (the most important part) follow through.
To be more realistic, try setting a time limit as to how long you will not help him, say one week or two, that way you wont have to watch him suffer too much, and he will get the idea that you are serious and mean what you say.
Never give in for less than the time you say or the lesson will be lost.
It is harder to retrain someone than train them, but it is worth it in the long run.
I would never think of ever swearing at my parents, and would get the slap in the head I deserved if I did.
Time limit would be great-you are right about the suffering part—eesshhh!
I guess I have let him get away with a lot because of what he`s been dealt and no one else to help.
This is starting today—than you!
The thing is, yes he has been given a bad hand in life, and it’s unfortunate that no one else will help and the burden falls on you, but, the truth is, unless he changes his behavior, you will be the only one who will be willing to help him now and in the future. No one else would be willing to do what you do for him if he treats them that way.
Unfortunately, some children think the world revolves around them. They feel entitled to your help, and even expect it without learning to be grateful.
These usually end up very miserable lonely adults.
Exactly how old is he?
I’m glad to hear you’ve gotten some ideas.
My Mom also eventually would walk away, quit taking my calls, and when I did call her up and would be completely surprised that she didn’t come to visit and bring me socks and soda, she would just say, “I’m not coming by if your going to cuss at me.”
I hate to say, I did get irritated with her, and I did say some not nice stuff… So she took back the socks and the soda and left. No socks, no soda and no one to talk too.
He is 36 years old!