I just got back from a walk. It’s stressful, especially on weekends because there are always cars that drive by and today a lot of other people were out walking too.
At times like that, Seraton, my companion angel, is with me and makes me feel better, but if I get more stressed then I feel like I take on the appearance of Seraton. Almost like a heavy coat with wings, and knife-like gloves. I feel better then.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone can see me that way. I passed an odd looking man walking his dog. We exchanged a few words about his dog as I passed. As I kept walking I wondered if he saw me as myself or as Seraton. And then I knew it was a silly thought, but I still wondered.
I’ve always thought that people who are in touch with spiritual things must be able to see the real me…not Seraton or my body, but who I really am. I guess I just wish someone could see me…
What a good idea. I should have a companion angel, but then where I am the most stressed, in the car, I talk to my car and believe she responds to me, so I guess it’s of the same idea.
By the way, I can’t make out what your avatar is a picture of. Will you explain?
Thanks, @PinCushion for saying it’s a good idea. You’re really sweet.
My avatar is one of my angel paintings. This angel has unformed/incomplete wings and has blades in its back because it’s been through so much. I see the angels that I paint. They usually represent my or someone else’s emotional state.
This one is suffering and damaged…tormented.
hey hedgehog i really appreciate ur courage …!! how could u carrying ur life without medication…!!! A Warm morning to u…!!!
That’s really nice, @far_cry0. I appreciate your good wishes. I feel really sad sometimes because it’s been so hard to maintain just a functioning level. We’re not supposed to mention God, but I know I wouldn’t have survived without God in my life. I’m not preaching, just saying what’s true for me.
Anyway, I wish you a beautiful day. 
I’ll say it all I want!
Especially this bit from the Symposium about the God of Love:
"And there comes into my mind a line of poetry in which he is said to be the god who
Gives peace on earth and calms the stormy deep,
Who stills the winds and bids the sufferer sleep. This is he who empties men of disaffection and fills them with affection, who makes them to meet together at banquets such as these: in sacrifices, feasts, dances, he is our lord-who sends courtesy and sends away discourtesy, who gives kindness ever and never gives unkindness; the friend
of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the gods; desired by those who have no part in him, and precious to those who have the better part in him; parent of delicacy, luxury, desire, fondness, softness, grace; regardful of the good, regardless of the evil: in every word, work, wish, fear-saviour, pilot, comrade, helper; glory of
gods and men, leader best and brightest: in whose footsteps let every man follow, sweetly singing in his honour and joining in that sweet strain with which love charms the souls of gods and men."
Out of all those normal people out today, you might have passed another person with schizophrenia and not even known it. And he might have been thinking as he looked at you, 'Man, these damn “normies” all look so normal, how do they do it?"
Hey @77nick77. What’s the weather like in your neck of the woods? There’s a big storm brewing that’s supposed to hit overnight. I was out running errands and the clouds looked pretty ominous.
@Hedgehog I would love to see what your paintings of angels would like if you were stable on meds…? please tell me again why you won’t try meds?
Sweet, @jukebox. Can you imagine balancing dishes on a stick for over 35 years because your life depended on balancing those dishes, then someone comes up to you and says “I’ll do a better job balancing those dishes. Let me take over.” ? Even if they would be better at it, and even though I’m really tired, I can’t trust someone else to not drop the dishes. I can’t do it. I can’t take the chance, even to feel better. If the dishes drop, I’m gone.
You know the day destroys the night, night divides the day. Try to run, try to hide, break on through to the other side.
It’s been raining off and on all day. It’s cold and windy and it knocked over a couple of potted trees in our courtyard at my house. Its lucky that they didn’t fall on anybody.
A heck of a big storm here in California I wouldn’t ride in it even if you payed me.
@Hedgehog i’m so surprised cause it’s so beauty to see your angels or avatar cause i’m speaking with somme spirituall creatures i don’t know if they are lisening me but i know there are so many cretures wich can hear me …so im just speaking with my self in realty but i know there is an other worlds . But Only God know that
I think, @Nab, that one of the hardest things for me is sorting through what’s real and what is being made by my mind. My faith is Christian so there are many unusual things written about in the Bible. But, I think that what I see, hear and feel goes beyond what is probable. But what parts are real and what parts are not and why…why wouldn’t or couldn’t it all be real?
What has become my main concern and goal is to not let any of it be harmful to me.
Those that matter can always see you, they just don’t always need to say so. You’re beauty inside shines through any outfit you adorn, and those that see you are the ones blessed.
@Hedgehog i really understand your meaning cause i have myby the same feeling and my faith is islam and there are so many beauty and unbelievable thinks but i feel realty im searching what does all this thinks meaning what’s life what’s humanty and why ?? what?? normal people thinks that’s juste weird questions but i’m really thinking that’s the real life and An enlightened person is to think like that