I know these are not rational thoughts but I can’t help having them.
I see the devil everywhere in the media, taunting me. Lately I’ve been seeing him in Hannibal. I know he’s using the show to mess with me, he was waiting for me to find it.
Hannibal corrupts Will, who is mentally troubled but otherwise a good and sweet guy. (I will try not to spoil anything for those of you who watch the show) He twists the mind of everyone he talks to just like the devil. And I understand everything Will is experiencing deeply because I’ve been through that same thing. And tonight I saw a sex scene and it just set me off because the Wendigo was sleeping with a woman and it reminded me of what’s happened and I’m just really upset right now. The devil KNOWS this upsets me. I can’t STAND his taunting. I can’t stand it. I hate him. He does this sort of thing all the time. That new song Animals, by Maroon 5? That was to taunt me as well. Ugh. UGH.
These thoughts are wrong. They are also incredibly narcissistic. I will keep telling myself this but I’m afraid I just set myself off. Ohhh I am upset. I was having such a good day too.
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a crappy time. I’ll say the usual - check your meds, book an appointment with your pdoc…but I think you should try avoiding trigger-shows like Hannibal for a little while.
As you probably know, when our mind wants to see something - it will and it will come up with the most intricate explanations, links and validations. The brain is a weird sponge, for sure - you know how they say ‘you only see what you want to see?’ - a lot of truth to that.
I agree with Louisa, please speak with your mental health nurse if you can not get a hold of your psychiatrist or speak with the mental health line, life line etc.
Stay away from the programs if they make you feel this way.
can i ask you a question anna? i don’t mean to sound derogatory or dismissive either so please don’t take offense but what makes you firstly believe in the devil and secondly, out of all the people in the world, that he would pick you to torment? as for the tv…i don’t watch it so i can’t comment but when i did, my voices would follow the programming to the letter. maybe avoid shows like hannibal for a while until you feel a little better. hope this helps.
The devil is just a part of my personal belief system. And part of my delusions.
And that’s why I said it was narcissistic thinking, to think the devil would focus solely on me to create a show that would bother me.
I also have the belief that God and the Devil are incredibly active in the world and subtly influence everything. Like the metaphor of everyone having an angel and a devil on their shoulder, only literally. It’s difficult to explain I guess.
I know I should avoid those shows but ironically I like them too much to quit. Usually I go back to normal by the next morning anyhow.
You might be taken back by what I’m about to say, but the devil is not real. The devil is basically an accumulation of all the taboo things that you fear. Honestly the devil is only as real as you make him out to be, just like a lot of things in life. You need to work
out exactly what ideas the devil is trying to teach you, and work out why you’re afraid of these things and then determine whether you want to change your beliefs, or accept them.
Also, just relax, don’t take life so seriously, the devil isn’t real so worrying won’t help you. I went through the EXACT same phase as you in high school so I swear I can relate to you so much right now…
And so just see this devil character as one who is sooooo petite that he has nothing better to be doing. He’s just a cigarette butt, so stomp on him with your foot and snuff him out.
I see faces in the backgrounds on tv, in the dark areas I can see faces looking out at me.
The faces are also in up close shots of peoples hair and clothes.
Sounds strange I know, but it is a fact that the TV has the capability to see and hear into your house.
Read the local laws reguarding privacy. I read that the cable companies are prohibited to use their technology to watch people.
(that don’t mean they don’t do it, it just means they aren’t supposed to)
I used to have some sorta delusion when I was slowly progressing into my illness
This one character from a show I really like, he’s a sort of demon, and at the time of my progression…well, I thought he was controlling the voice in my head and was intending to take over my consciousness!
If you’re curious, the character I got involved with is named Bill Cipher.
I had to stop watching that show. Too dangerous for me.