Trying to live more enlightened...might be depressed though

I decided I want to live more at peace and ease with myself. Even though they’re hard to defeat for an extended period of time. I’m trying to eliminate all my grandiose thoughts. Be mindful of them like I was back in September. They will return no doubt. I often comprehend if there’s like some syntax or brain wires transfigured the wrong way that make me think grandiosely. Or if it’s really a result of environmental thing. Or combination of both. Well last night I stopped living for tomorrow and just today. Made a conscious effort. I’m pretty good at turning this switch when I realize I shall but then not long after it returns to delusion and it makes life real difficult. It’s harder than having a low feeling of self asteem. Imo. I shared in iop that I don’t have “negative thoughts”. I have the positive thoughts and they’re amplified by 10x and exponential to the 3rd power too. And no one ever helps me cuz I’m "seemingly " Doing good OR I don’t want help. The lady in iop just ignored me when I talked about my delusions of grandeur. And moved on to the next person. Very frustrating I will never get help for my flawed brain.

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I’ve noticed they frequently do this in group. They just let you share your thoughts, then move on to the next person and let them share their thoughts. I think it’s so you don’t dwell on your problems. It sometimes frustrates me, too. My group leader said that working through your individual problems is what individual therapy is for. Group is more about feeling less alone and learning coping skills.

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Yeah. That’s why group didn’t work for me. I had to work through my problems, not just share them and listen to people who needed to learn completely different coping skills that I already knew or didn’t need.

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It’s worked for me in the past I had a really good group but this group isn’t working so far, I’m switching to the other group maybe that’ll work better. It’s like a clique this group and I’ve never fit in with any group in my entire life…

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