Mine turned everyone in my family against me. I’ve been living in a different state for a long time dealing with scz. I was working so hard to beat it for so many years, and not contacting much of them very often except my brother. I thought I would prove that I would be somebody with college and my own business when it succeeded after a few years, but then my brother started to turn against me, and I found out that none of them care about me or want me to come back. I thought I just had to keep climbing, and I could come back and be one of my family again.
I found out that my dad talks negatively about me all of the time. I remember one time I was still fairly bad off in my scz but not the worst it ever was since I had finally learned I was scz, and I was visiting my brother and his family who had moved near my ma and pops. My ma came over to my brother’s house for Christmas dinner, and when she went back, my dad had chained up the gate onto their property with a lock she didn’t have a key too. She had work in the morning, and she had to drive several hours to get there on a one way trip to. She was crying on the phone to us about it as she was going to walmart to get a bolt cutter to get on the property. They live in the woods deep back away from the road on a big property.
In the last few years my pops was ignoring me and so on, and I piped up about the bad things he had done to me and my family in the past. He said I was not one of his family, and that my last name is not mine any more. He said that I need to just go check in to a mental asylum, and that no one in my family ever wants to know I’m alive or was ever a part of my family because they are all embarrassed, and that’s why they all ignore me.
I showed my ma and my aunt via internet, and they just said “okay, well sorry.” They didn’t care.
My ma makes over $150,000 per year, and my pops does something similar per year. They own properties and multiple businesses. They even fly around on big vacations, and they even vacation somewhat close to where I live in the world. I got mad at my ma for never visiting me while I was ill, and she just gave me “pretend excuses” why not, and always just changed the subject.
I wanted to work hard, get well, and succeed because I learned the real value of family and friends, but then as I was doing it getting better and better 360 degrees in every way through the years I found out that I had no family or friends.
I was working on my life and my wellness to get back with my old friends, and finally when I had remade myself again strong and well enough to get a hold of them online, they just ignored me completely no differently than my dad and the others.
Let me tell you this that I know. The loneliness makes the hallucinations much worse, more rabid, and more painful than ever. It is like being eaten alive day after day on and on and on. The only way to decrease it is to just cut them completely out of my mind with the work and devotion I have to what I do.
The only thing I have is capitalism and a republic and the knowledge I load on myself to make it work for me and for it. If it wasn’t for that in this place as well as the internet, I’d be in a soul prison tortured by my scz endlessly hoping for death to find me, and help finally.