Hey friends!
We’ve got a video we would love if you watched. It’s a simulation of my very own Sz with Paranoia. It might even seem somewhat “tame” to those with full blown symptoms, but at this current time, this is basically how mine looks. Minus some visuals which I couldn’t put in the video. It’s me and my fiance Roxanne’s very first video. It has music and some sentimental moments.
If you have 7 minutes to spare here’s the link
Take care everyone.
-Matt and Roxanne.
Thats a pretty cool video. I wish there were more videos like this. It’s a challenging thing to accurately create. Good job.
Speaking of paranoia, would worrying that a completely unrelated video will say something about you considered paranoia? I think it is but I’m not sure.
Thanks friends. We really appreciate your interest in watching! It is difficult to get the voices to sound authentic. Actually, I was watching others’ videos and sounds on YouTube related to Sz simulations and the voices were so hard to listen to. Cluttered and very much more authentic and intense. I couldn’t listen for long!
Peavy, I, myself, believe that personality shows through some of our actions that others can see. A video that you are in or a video of your favorite musician on YouTube can still bring some across to an audience. I am one to shy FAR away from judgemental eyes. So I usually choose what I show to others. I hope there might be something to gain from watching our video. We don’t know if you’ll like it, we don’t know a specific purpose for it, but we just hope it’s something to watch.
Thanks!!!
thats cool, a long time ago i started making a video of all the different closed eye hallucinations i would get, i should really finish it lol
That’s a really cool idea. Sometimes I get kalaidascope like images, and also my usual delusions will show with eyes closed. It makes me think I havent gotten a good sleep in a while!
mine were very interesting , battles way out in space with starships and stuff, and various gods fighting eachother, to video games like sonic the hedgehog getting all the chaos emaralds over and over and becoming super sonic, or sonic drowning in water and getting his airbubble just in time, really interesting visions lol.
i had no control over them, as soon as my eyes were closed its like i was immediately transported to space or something
like this , it felt totally like i was up there with it though
i could vividly see all the machine guns and stuff firing and reloading up close it was fascinating really lol
I am a huge sci fi fan! 
That’s really really interesting. I want to ask, did you have voices mixed in with the visions? I noticed for a while as I got sicker, I hear more words being spoken. Before I had my initial Sz break, I had not really ever hear a word from my imagination. I wonder if you have a sort of cinematic experience, where it plays like a movie. That is such amazing mind power IMO.
yeah i had voices 24/7 for 6 months the first major break.
yes it was like a cinematic experience, I could just close my eyes and be immediately warped into being a spectactor in wherever my mind decided to take me.
I had this one vision where I saw a God spiraling through the sky at warp speed with these sparkles all around him zoooooming into space.
Then BOOM 2 gigantic Red color Snakes pop ready to attack him
Then from a distance I hear a roar and I look up on this cloud and it is a massive Lion Roaring and he jumps onto this rainbow and flows down to them.
completely insane lol yet extremely fascinating.
my voices at the time i vaguely remember them just telling me i should close my eyes cuz they wanted to show me stuff that i needed to know. thats usually when it would happen.
before this I had gone to a charismatic church camp as a councelor. this was pre diagnosis. they were into the visionary stuff with the minds eye. but when they asked me to do it id come up with the craziest visions of all. and a lot of the other councelors were kind of dumbfounded like “how the heck are you getting all these visions” I had no idea why lol. but also i had used ectasy months before this a well so that could have triggered it.
I tell ya i could make a movie out of the stuff I saw lol
I also used to see words flying through space when i closed my eyes , I could never really make out what they were . it would zoom up to them they looked like gold and sparkly but whenever i tried to read it , it would zoom out of focus.
ah im just having some memories of all the stuff i forgot about .
eyes closed i would zoom through this tunnel at like warp friggen speed and then kaboom im out into space, thats how id usually end up in space. and i would circle around various planets or stars or whatever basically just exploring its so bizarre i really dont have the words to explain it.
This is wonderful. So very wonderful. Very… I don’t want to say moving, because that sounds very disingenuous. Very…I can’t think of a word.
I see this and I feel like I have seen the inside of your head. I can appreciate how shallow that sounds. I like how there are no emotions expressed really. Please listen to this whole thing because that is not a criticism in disguise. Many people show us as raving and screaming about the FBI and CIA while standing in the middle of the sidewalk. This shows someone who is more stable. It tells what it is like for some people who are getting help and have a strong support system The faint image in the beginning was absolutely wonderful. I like that you tell/show what you are hearing in a sort of day to day manner. Not in a “Beautiful Mind” (the movie) way where you are working for the CIA, but inside the mind of someone who is more stable, stable to the point where a voice says those codes will save your life and you willfully ignore it.
It seemed to go on a bit long, but looking back that could be thought of as a strength. Depending on which way you want to go with this. It might lose some people in that. But at the same time it really made me feel, afterwards, that it also felt like a long time to you. That these things in your head make your days long.
This is very, very wonderful. Have you two thought about maybe trying to get this out there more? I honestly think that if you could find the right professional, maybe at a college, you two could work with him or her (and maybe one of you could get into a program there? I’m in college and I have sza. The mildest I have ever seen in anyone though. I am also at a very easy college. I would take this to prestigious places first. Work your way down. This video would definitely benefit from a better camera and camera work. But maybe if your fiancee is normal, not mentally ill, whatever you want to call it, you could get her to enroll and you could work as a team. I don’t know but the will probably work with you if they want you to enroll). I would love to see an entire series of short films about this. You could probably combine all of those little films into a movie if you wanted. Kind of snapshots of your life. The life inside your head. A few about this everyday, some about bad days, and some about good days. I think there is a whole lot of potential here.
I can readily relate to this though. I would see what some other people think- however you want to refer to people without mental illness, some of those people. And maybe some people with other mental illnesses like bipolar or depression. I think that you two could go a long ways with this.
Wonderful job. Both of you.
very good video… i myself would never be able to put something like this together. it makes me happy in a sense that someone else/others can because it gives friends and family a sort of insight into what types of things we deal with. thank you for posting this. may i share it elsewhere in my life?