Sharing my story and steps to recovery!

You’re welcome :slight_smile:.

Wow, what a story. You got dealt some bad cards, I’m glad you found some happiness. Welcome by the way.

I’m 55 years old. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1980 when I was 19 years old. A lot of people on here know my story. Or at least some.

The first two years of my disease was living hell and torture. I was very psychotic and I was put in a group home for a year after I was diagnosed. From there I was sent to a locked psychiatric hospital for 8 months. I suffered badly in there. By the way I have never hallucinated, no voices. No visual hallucinations. My main positive symptom is delusions. Anyways, From 1980 to 1995, I was in hospitals, various kinds of group homes, and I have always seen a psychiatrist my entire illness. I’m jumping around here but in 1986 I became addicted to crack. It pretty much sidetracked my life and my recovery for four years but I got clean in 1990 and I have not taken any drugs or drank any alcohol since then.

I got a job 8 months after I got out of the hospital and I have worked almost steadily for the last 33 years. I have driven my own car for the last 15 years. I have lived independently since 1995, usually renting rooms in peoples houses. I started college in 1983 when I was about 22 or 23. and because of circumstances there are big gaps of time in my education where I was not in school but now I only need three more classes for my degree.

I’ve done a lot of fun stuff during my illness and I enjoy people most of the time.

My first two years of this disease were the worst, I had no relief from terrifying and constant mental suffering every minute of every day for those couple of years.

My mom died last year which with a combination of other problems I ended up spending two days in a psyche ward after not being hospitalized for 25 years. The other problems were that when my mom was on her death bed, I lost my housing, I had to quit school, I could not drive my car, I had to take two months off of work, and to top it all off, I have a serious back problem. If I ever fall or a I am pushed and fall down, most likely I will end up in a wheelchair. All this happened in the space of two weeks! Plus, my mom was in the hospital 150 miles away so I drove up and back to see her twice to be at her side while she slowly got worse (which makes me feel like crying right now thinking about her).

Anyways, I made the trip by myself but on the way home on the second trip I pretty much imploded from stress and I could hardly make it home and i could not look at other drivers the entire trip which meant that people tailgated me and some of them probably pretty much used me for their own gains as people are wont to do when they see someone struggling.

Anyways, I am living semi-independently now, I have got a great 2012 like-new car, I’ve been back at my job for a year, I am half way through an online class, I am fairly content in my life despite my illness and my current circumstances. Thinks are a little dicey and up in the air about my
future. Things are happening that are out of my control but I still have a little power, a little control, a little money and a lot of hard-earned knowledge about people and life in general. I’m pretty sure I’m in for some hard times but I am also pretty sure I will survive them. My symptoms have became less intense and less bothersome as I age starting around 45 years old.

Anyways, we have a little in common and I hope your life gets better. We have hard lives but recovery is a reality. I’m doubly sorry that you had problems so early on in life but I hope you learn how to manage your life and it is entirely possible for people who have schizophrenia to get a little something out of life. Be tough and hang tough. There’s an excellent chance that things will get better for you.

My favorite saying from AA is a quote from Winston Churchill, the leader of England during WWII who rallied his countrymen in the war to bring them from the brink of defeat to a decisive victory.

“When you are going through hell, keep going”.

Enough said, have a nice night @Stunned.

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Your story is incredible and I am glad you found solutions and happiness. I wish I could find it without meds, but they are the only thing thast help me. I have schizophrenia with bouts of mania and am currently struggling with outbursts dissociation and negative and cognitive symptoms, but my main problem is delusions and and voices that annoy my soul.

@77nick77
You have a nice night too, and I’m sorry for you having to go through so many struggles in such a short time. Thank you for sharing your story with me, it actually made me very emotionally reading all of that. I salute you for your ability to stay so strong. There were plenty of times I’ve felt like I can’t go on because I was struggling so bad. I missed a very big portion of my childhood. I still sometimes think about it and wish to be a child again. But again, thank you because you made me think about how meaningful life is even if I feel small compared to everything else. I appreciate this so much.

A stranger said this to me once, and I live by it now.

Life is short and beautiful, even if it seems meaningless now. Everything has meaning that you do, and someday you will make a great impact on someone.

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@mboston117
Thank you, and I’ve struggled with the same, I was also diagnosed with chronic depression and it’s very hard for me to deal with a lot of stuff even though I have learned to live without the medications things still impact me greatly. The voices are always there still, and hallucinations as well, but it’s not as bad as it used to be when I was very manic.

Good saying: he’s absolutely right. If you do the right things for your recovery now, even if you hate them and you get no immediate rewards it will help you in the future. You lay the groundwork NOW, for your recovery in the FUTURE.

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Mania always gets me badly ill and out there, so I get it

Lamiactal and neurontin really helps me with the mania though

@mboston117 When I was really young (7 or 8 maybe way before I got diagnosed) is when I was a really bad manic and it played in with my chronic depression. I would black-out and forget what day it was and I still have instances where they started video taping me and I wouldn’t remember anything that has happened even after I watched the videos. It was terrifying.

@77nick77
Yes it was so weird to have a stranger who knew me for 10 minuets beforehand say something so nice to me.

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OP is literally a story. can’t read stories

“Sharing my story…”

oh… heh… (scratches head and leaves)

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