For a year I have been having “episodes” that are similar to taking acid (which I did many years ago). I can feel it coming on and it is very frightening. It feels like I’m being transported into an alternate reality. I have heard music coming out of the airconditioning vent, perceived that I am gathering human dust particles in a canning jar, thereby “saving” them from becoming permanently lost; other times I go into a weird world of feeling horrible panic that I am dying or going crazy, over the edge and will never come back --and suddenly jumping to euphoria and peace, knowing that I’m not normal, that I’m in another world, but that it’s ok–and switching back again to wild thinking and panic…; and most recently, soon after I wake up in the morning I can feel it “coming over me”, just as if I have taken a drug, am helpless to control it, yet KNOW it’s not normal. I’ll become incapable of making a decision that’s as simple as, should I get the glass out of the cupboard first or should I get the juice out of the frig? Do I need to get dressed first or should I take my medicine? I’ll stand and think about it obsessively, thoughts flying through my head, fixating on something and forgetting what I’m doing, forgetting what I have decided a second after I decide. My family knows when it’s happening–and I know they know–so I try to “act normal”, much like when I was a teenager and I would go home stoned and try to act like I’m not stoned, yet second guessing every word, every movement, my reactions, whether they seem weird or not, afraid of what they may be thinking. Is this what being schizophrenic feels like?
I am seeing a neurologist this week. My doctor referred me because she was, as she said, out of her league. She has, however, been treating me for bipolar disorder, along with a psychiatrist, but they both feel as if this has morphed into something more serious.
Could this be something other than mental illness?
Please, no one from a web site can diagnose you. I’m glad you’re going to see a professional. The best advice I can give is copy/ paste what you’ve just written here and let the doc know this is what has been going on with you.
The sooner you have the right answer, the sooner you can get the right help, meds, therapy, blood work, what ever needs to happen to get to the correct answers.
Good luck and I hope you feel better.
You’re right–no one here can diagnose. It’s a good idea to take what I wrote to the doctor–because otherwise I may forget how to describe it! Thanks for your input.
But I guess I was just wondering what it feels like when one is schizophrenic. Is it an episode, like taking a drug and when it wears off you feel ok? Is it an alternate reality that you visit for awhile and return from? Do you know you’re in this odd place-- that it isn’t normal-- and even while you’re in it you have a little rational part in your head watching impassively?
I know that we all want answers, instant gratification you might say, because I for one am afraid.
I have had paranoid schizophrenia since I was 19. Arguably the most severe mental illness there is.My schizophrenia was like being on LSD sometimes. BUT…while acid is fun, there is NOTHING fun about schizophrenia.On acid I enjoyed the weird perceptions and altered reality. Episodes of schizophrenia are uncomfortable and scary. To answer your questions specifically. NOW that I have recovered somewhat (and I was diagnosed in 1980) my episodes come and go. I have relative calmness a lot punctuated by agitation and paranoia. But I NEVER feel like my schizophrenia symptoms “wear off” or are fully gone. They just lessen in intensity sometimes. No, I don’t feel like I am in an alternate world. I feel like I always live in this world but I judge people and situations drastically wrong. But I’m always here and part of me always knows what is happening. I see the world with my eyes and I don’t hallucinate though I am a naturally withdrawn person. I hope this helps.
It’s different for everyone.
Not trying to sound glib… but your post made me think of this…
For me, an episode comes with a deeply confused panic attack. My paranoia amps up, so do the voices.
Some times… my symptoms are persistent, but mild and I can ignore them.
Sometimes, I’m deeply confused and scared
Sometimes I’m depressed and don’t have anything to say for a full day
Sometimes, I’m just like everyone else.
Yeah, surprised is right. I should have added a disclaimer to my above answer. No ones case of schizophrenia is exactly the same. We may share some similarities in our symptoms but each case is unique.
It has helped, you have described it well. Thank you. It seems as though each person can have different experiences and singular courses. The world I sometimes live in is not fun at all and scares the heck out of me. I am on meds that help and I’m thankful for the lucid times. I guess I’ll see what the doctor says this week and go from there. I’m old enough now, and maybe even jaded enough to realize that my brain is not working well and probably never will, but I can still be happy.
My hats off to you if you can be happy. It’s not impossible. Good luck. And stay away from ALL drugs including LSD except those that are prescribed by a doctor and your recovery will go much better.
I loved that video clip. I kind of felt like laughing and crying at the same time.
I feel like my doctor and my family think I’ve grown another head and they treat me differently from before. But we’re all just human, some with these problems, others with others, and we can still be there for each other. I don’t want to become self-obsessed through this–and instead I hope I grow more compassion.
Drugs are absolutely off the menu now! In fact, I detoxed from clonazepam and suboxone a year ago and went through the most horrendous experience of my life doing so. I want to be as clear as I can be and to minimize those kinds of traumas. Wretched.
I should have been more clearer. I meant to say to stay away from all illegal and street drugs. But if a doctor prescribes medication it is probably a good idea to take it. Good luck!
thought i would say hi.
take care
Hi there sith… Oh, you meant jody, lol. My mistake.
hi there 77nick77.
take care
You guys wanna take this conversation somewhere else? ;-D
I just had to say that working on keeping your insight, keeping your positive attitude and getting help as early as you can will help you beat this much easier.
You are doing really well and growing compassion will help you as well. Keeping that empathy as this illness tries to eat that away… I’m glad your getting help. I think you’ll have an easier time then I did when I was fighting this.
Thank you Surprised. I appreciate your encouragement. As you must know, there are days when you feel more positive and others when you feel very dark. You seem to have a good perspective and it’s helpful to talk to others who have traveled this road for awhile. I can see how this forum is a great tool for finding help–and a listening ear.
I’m a little nervous about the doctor visit on Thursday. Not sure why…he’ll probably spend 5 minutes with me and order tests…and it will be an anticlimactic experience rather than one that provides me with answers. Isn’t that just the way it goes with doctors?
Or maybe I just have unrealistic expectations! 
I’ve been having trouble forgetting what I am doing too. I’m worried it might be early onset alzheimer’s, aggravated by sz.
For me it’s not an on off thing like a drug. I hear voices every now and then. But it’s not like I’m in another world. I’ve been checked for EP but I don’t have it. Talk to your neurologist to check for temporal lobe epilepsy. It has the same symptoms as schizophrenia but can easily be managed with medicine.
I liked the video J - it is so true