I want to thank to the researchers/scientists/doctors who developed a cure for schizophrenia illness (maybe in 2050 year, idk if sooner) I just wanted to be the first who give many thanks to them 
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I ate just a little food and now feeling so uncomfortable 
i think i should go for a long walk / drive just out
My sister will be arriving today. I have not seen her in a year. Iām looking forward to spending time with her.
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Sometimes I still have thoughts of suicide. They are passing thoughts. I donāt want to complain about my life. There are people dying of thirst and hunger. I just didnāt expect my life to turn out like this. Just a moment of introspection. It isnāt something that crosses my mind as often as before. It is not something I would mention to anyone in person.
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I am in so much pain. I donāt know what to do. I want to die very badly. Thereās no reason to it. I am so tired. Between my sleep disorder and the meds being sedated I am scared to leave my house or even my bed for how sleepy I am. Without a stimulant I think I may die. My rat is dying. I am giving her medication but I know her prognosis is not good and I will have to put her down. I had a job interview today and it went well but with my depression I donāt want a job, I donāt want anything I just want to sleep all day because thatās all I can do anyways. My parents leave the house to get stuff for decorating and expect me to run the house but I canāt because I am so tired and in pain.
Iām sorry to hear that Anna. It seems like youāre going through a really tough time. I know a little bit of how you feel. Mental illness changes a personās life. All I can say is ang in there, donāt give up hope. Depression can be rough but life is still worth living. There are still good days left ahead of you.
May you find some happiness.
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Yeah I have to remember this will pass, it always passes, I just have to keep myself alive until it does. I badly want to die though. I forgot how terrible depression was because I havenāt had an episode in a year.
Wellbutrin isnāt doing jack though obviously, I shouldnāt even be having this episode. And geodon is supposed to be mood stabilizing too and neither is doing anything
Iāve been doing mostly well. This thought helps me when Iām depressedā¦ I think of all the people who have had to deal with mental illness and have committed suicide. I try to be strong for them because I know how they felt, life wasnāt fair but I want to live to honor them somehow. I know it is an odd thought, yet it keeps me going when I feel down. Treatment is much better these days and if those who passed had only one moment of help offered nowadays, maybe things would have been different. Besides that somehow I feel like living and not giving up because I wouldnāt want to hurt people close to me. I know people on this forum have lost a loved one to suicide. I lost a friend to a Xanax overdose. I choose to live and remember him. I sometimes wonder if I had only taken the time to listen and try to comfort him, he might still be alive today.
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Yeah I try to think of my family too. It is just hard through all of the pain, everything else becomes very distant. I think those are very nice thoughts you have though.
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Thanks. I hope you feel better soon. Feeling worthless is difficult.
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Iām taking 300 mgā¦
Apparently research shows that more than 300 you donāt get any more benefit, just more risk of side effect. (Iām on the XL extended release kind)
of Geodon?
Not wellbutrin
Honestly the only thing Wellbutrin did for me was an increase in energy + a bit of more focus
Oh geodon is 40 mg twice daily and like hell im going up on my dose for that with how much it sedates me now
why donāt you try 20 morning and 60 night or 80 at night only + a melatonin on days it does not sedate you. IF it is helping with positive symptoms.
It is helping with positive. My positive and negative are good honestly like Iām still able to watch hour long tv shows and stuff. Itās helping but the sedation just sort of ruins the helping because if Iām sleeping all the time I canāt really feel the benefit you know?
I wonder if that would work. Iām going to see a new psychiatrist very soon like next week and I will ask them what they think. Iām horrified at the thought of dealing with those withdrawal symptoms again though.
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you need to go through it. It will be easy. Just focus on the outcome. I take 80 at night and I am fine! Even quitting smoking! Honestly I wanna add 20 in the mornings but still not sure 
I am fine for now.
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I didnāt try 80 at night. Iāll ask the doctor to see but I really am nervous the short half life will give me the withdrawal. I literally canāt eat with those effects, I didnāt eat for 2 days. It got bad after just 2 skipped morning doses.
Maybe you can do it graduallyā¦ tae 20 in the mornings for 2 weeks first. =(
I am absolutely fine with just 80 at nightā¦ It has been 2 months now. I feel my best for the last 2 years.
I could be even better if I take 20 additional in the mornings.
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I will definitely bring it up, thank you for the suggestion. Sedation at night doesnāt bother me as much as during the day. Today was weird. I took the medication at around 9 am, but I didnāt experience the sedation until like 5 pm. Then it went away after a couple hours. And I took it again at 6 pm but no sedation so far and itās 10 now. I donāt get why sometimes the sedation happens within an hour or so after taking it, sometimes it happens within 3-4 hours and sometimes it happens like 6 hours later.
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