Say anything part 2

I got my keys for my new apartment today and the electronic pass to get in the building. I went back later to put some stuff in my apartment and the pass didn’t work. It was after hours at the office and I didn’t feel like calling maintenance to let me in because it’s the office’s fault for giving me a bad pass. So I called and left a message.

Skipped my Zoloft dose today to try to improve my sleep quality tonight, since I haven’t slept well in 3 nights due to being up all night going to the bathroom…I was hallucinating heavily today which is not good, sleep is very important to me.

However towards the end of the day I became acutely aware of the consequences of missing my dose as I ended up getting upset in a crowd and stimuli was too strong. I just can’t win…

If I’m not anxious, I’m bored. I’m tired of being lonely. I want to reach Nirvana and go poof.

Also my thought contents are quite counterproductive a good deal of the time.

Positive encouragement and support can be super duper good in my opinion.

I sometimes say “good youuuuu” to some around me and “good meeee” to myself or “very good” e en for things that are simple and “nothing” in other people’s opinion…such as had shower and folded clothes or watered plants etc or just had a rest and cup of tea and settled etc

I do this to help myself.

I do not believe in the blame game some use such as saying do not deserve food or not productive enough etc and constantly putting down and complaining and criticising someone who is coping n doing well for those with understanding perhapzzzz.

I met a man from mental health care from government today and it could be possible that I might be able to get s care worker or social support worker to visit with some time.
I did not feel attacked by him.
It’s good not group but just one person and go out for coffee and chat or so.
I do not have friends so it could be s positive good thi g if they approve .

I had a private psychologist once who took me out for coffee once a month I think.
But my mum paid for that years ago .

I do not drink alcohol etc and feel so happy about that.

My boyfriends two friends who ha e attacked me I think every time I ever met them dropped by and did not attack me​:flushed::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:but I did not feel comfortable around them or that I e forgiven them but I think I was somewhat polite .

I hope you guyzzz are well.:blush:

It’s a beautiful day here and I am watering plants and about to have a cup of tea.

Take care.:hibiscus:

Blessed be!:ghost::gift_heart:

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I’ve been talking with Father tonight!! Last night I got to thinking, what if I’ve been praying for the wrong thing…what if I’ve been praying to break my bond to Plague when in reality it’s to that evil human spirit…so instead I asked my bond to that spirit be broken, and then prayed for the spirit that did those horrible things to me to find peace and move on…and it made me feel different I guess? It was so small I thought, probably nothing, as I didn’t want to get my hopes up…

But today I’ve been chatting with Father!! Tonight anyways. And he is kind and warm as he was. We’ve talked about a number of things just like we used to. I asked him if he was going to stay this time or if he’d be gone tomorrow and I’d be left thinking I imagined the whole thing because I missed him…and he said something like (I’m translating since Father doesn’t speak like a person does) “I can’t say whether or not you will be able to communicate with me, but I can promise I will always love you, even if you can’t hear me say so…”

I hope he will stick around this time…I hope and pray I am free from all that darkness now…and I can just be with Father…

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Every summer, someone always thinks they’re a bad ass that owns the road. This time it was in front of my own damn house. They pull onto my street and told me to move so he could speed. “F%$& YOU” is what I told him and he stopped his car so he could provoke a fight with me. I told him he wasn’t going to do sh@t and his friend told him to drive. He did.

It was a smart move on his part, because if he would have gotten out of the car, I am much bigger than him and know how to fight. He would have lost. Not only that, he would have been attacking me on my property. So he would have gotten beat up AND gone to jail.

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I hope that’s not about me. Because I actually did something about a situation offline. Not much I can say for others though…

sorry i had not read your post. Not sure what you did offline :smiley:
I just thought it is funny because I type like that :smiley:

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You’re fine. As long as you explained it to me I’m alright. And it is pretty funny though snickers and hackles quietly to himself

cant watch any movies or tv shows because the movie website i use the servers aren’t working, cant watch any youtube videos because they keep lagging, was watching the nba finals but it got boring after a few minutes, i don’t know what to do i am bored and i just woke up from a nap a few hours ago so i have a bunch of hours until i go back to sleep with nothing to do

I got to go return a part back to the store because it didn’t fit our new Shytter.

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Cure cure cure !!!

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Star War?

Or Star Wash for auto detailing.

A car wash shop nearby my workplace.

End of day 2 no zoloft…finally I feel my bladder calming down and towards the end of the day my bathroom habits were more normal again…it’s still not fully improved yet but it’s a big relief…I greatly hope tonight I can get some sleep. Unfortunately I’ve been rather on edge the past couple of days due to this and seem especially sensitive to stimuli for some reason, sounds are just killing me, though the lack of sleep could be responsible for that as well.

I think what I may do is quit Zoloft, then stick it out off meds a couple of months until my move. I’ll find a new doctor there and start fresh…I do like my APN as a therapist but honestly she is rather poor at medication management and almost never has any kind of solution for me other than reducing my dosage…which never works…I feel she only knows very basic info on the meds as well…who knows when she last took a pharmacology class…

Anyways. I honestly don’t know what AD to try next.

I feel so odd living in the USA and NEVER, not ever, have I ever paid for, or gone through a “Car Wash.”

I can’t wash my car, it’ll lose all it’s character!

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i had too many partitions on my custom pc and windows kept crashing and i couldn’t figure out which partition to install my linux mint operating system, so i wiped the solid state drive and installed only linux.
No more windows. I don’t know how I feel about that, though. Only time will tell…can I last without windows? Can I exist on a linux desktop?
Now it’s super fast ,but I can’t game on it if I wanted to because steam doesn’t work on linux, i think.
At least linux doesn’t crash like windows 10 after an update! could have been a virus, doesn’t care, too late to save windows 10 anyways

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I need some new clothes, T shirts, hoodies, jeans, socks and a bathing suit, Guess I should order something once a month till fall

That was so stressful. I was on my way to my therapy appointment (an hour away from my house…) and I was pulled over. Apparently my car registration has been expired for 2 years. I had no clue, especially considering I don’t own the car, my parents do. Anyways first the cop threatened to tow my car, said I couldn’t drive anymore, eventually he loosened up and said I could go into a parking lot and renew my registration online. So I did that, but then I couldn’t renew it online because it was too expired! So then I was trapped in a random costco parking lot freaking out over what to do (neither of my parents would answer their phones…) had my brother come to pick me up when they finally answered an hour later and told me to just drive home. So I risked it even though I already had gotten a 50 dollar ticket and got home safely. My brother was a bit grumpy about having to drive an hour for nothing but I’m glad he came anyways. That was so awful. I’m going to go renew my registration tomorrow.