Say Anything III

She was a girl actually.but thank you so much <3

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I am soooo tired. I ate some greek food and well having a glass of :wine_glass:
I feel like smoking today. Need to use the vape I guess :unamused:

I have to work some more. It is summer vacation and soon ‘back to school’ so I may not have a lot of work. :thinking:
So I have to do a lot of creative production. I love it.

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Good!! Yayyyy!!

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everything I do is awkward. Even the way I sit at my desk, my knees are hurting. ?!

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I swear I just heard someone walking through my apartment

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I’m awake if any one wants to talk about anything, I don’t find that my meds work and believe that my life is around person experience when at the same time I took some xanax and had something to drink anything that chills me out I find good but I suppose I don’t see it long term, please reply back as I don’t get the chance to come to this site offen, or if anybody wants to share time on this that would be good

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I want to make like a lot and a lot of money in the next 5 months.

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@Erez_Shmerling Thank you. I’m a female. I’m writing a fiction horror story set in this time period about demonic possession. I would sure love to make money from the book but right now my goal is to get it written. With my short attention span, riddled with anxiety and depression attacks and the constant hammering of negative voices it’s easier said than done. And from all the information on writing I’ve picked up over the past couple years is writing is not an easy career, especially for unpublished authors like myself.

It’s hard to say who I write like. I’ve read so many authors works, in just about every genre, My favorite novels right now are the Lunar Chronicals by Marissa Meyers. I think she is the closest to my writing style as I can think…not for content but the fact that we both tend to tell the story of multiple people in one novel but smoothly tie them all together. Her’s spans over a series of stories where the book I’m writing at the moment is a single stand-a-lone book, I don’t see sequels in its future but I wouldn’t rule it out either. Just have see where the story takes me at the end. I do have it outlined out scene-by-scene/chapter-by-chapter… but I try to leave an openness to my outlining so when I write the scenes they can turn out in any number of ways. Though I’d be lost if I didn’t have a vague idea of where the story goes. I just have to figure out all the stops it takes to get to its end.

I must be trippin cuz i can see the moon moving

Ugh so coming off geodon has been a mixed experience. On one hand I was ecstatic to not have to sleep half the day away today. I could actually socialize with my family and do stuff. But on the other hand stuff like my sex drive and appetite are coming back HARD and since they were gone for months I’m not used to it at all so now I feel overwhelmed by the hungriness and horniness, pardon my French.

Having a panic attack over something nothing to do with me.
Having tried to explain it and set off half of my family that are now not talking to me or answering messages.
Just told to let everyone be
Just set off the not wanted alarm not loved just used feelings
Just gonna sit here stressed panicked waiting for my name to be called or the knock on my door and all hell to land on me.

Everything is always my fault if I try to help
No more helping just get me hurt

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Sorry you’re going through this.

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Trying to talk to my brother as he the only one asnwering and he keep dodging the topic and my questions.

I know the next part of my training is learning how to overcome my flight or fight response and keep a cool head to handle the situation. I’m not very good at this and just end up lashing out viciously like some sort of cornered wild animal which is not always effective or I run away which often gets me killed. It’s just so hard. My training is really hard.

Sorry for the wait: Working like a slave, talking ‘roots part 2 - schizophrenia’

Thank you, I appreciate your understanding.
And yes, it’s incredibly diffcult… I did the refeeding/recovery thing for a few months. I simply couldn’t do it.
I’m not bulimic, now, but I have an aversion to food.
How are you doing, these days?
I have no support in this. I can’t talk to my family or friends, about it.

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I want to live forever …!!! Sup lucy…!!! What are u upto…!!!

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@far_cry0 I share your sentiment!!

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40 days since I drank today !

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i dont know how but i did it ! i made it through 2 days in the city without freaking out and letting the voices and intrusive thoughts make me uncomfortable i did it by reading comics on my phone whenever i was stuck in one place like waiting for food at a restaurant and it made me not feel like everyone was watching me and listening to my thoughts and the voices i could still hear them but it wasnt as bad because i was focused on reading,

i actually think the voices might be a bit quieter im still hearing them 24/7 but it wasnt that bad when i was out than so hopefully they will be even quieter once i get my dose increased

the comic i read was x-men legacy it is really good i am on the last issues it is about Legion basically one of the most powerful mutants in the marvel universe but he is insane he draws his power from his multiple personalities in his mind and he also hears voices and stuff

one thing i liked when reading it is one of the personalities said to him “you complain about these voices, but at least you’ll never be alone,” i think i prefer being alone but i guess some people dont he went on to say “but in your case you are alone, a legion of one”

i am glad i read this because i got stuck on issue 16 a while ago and lost all motivation to read it but if reading can help me think less and stuff than i think i need to find something to read whenever i am waiting usually i am just looking around at stuff because everyone is on there phones texting and using social media and stuff nowadays and i dont talk to many people or use social media but now i actually have something to do to keep myself from realizing how crazy i am

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