Question About APs

Has anyone felt more like their “normal,” pre-illness self after starting on APs? I’d really like to feel like myself again, who I was before the illness. I was pretty awesome back then lol

Everyone in my life says I’m back to my normal self. But I only feel that I’m a new self, post-psychosis, post-premedication, post-idiocy. I changed a lot. Much better person now, much calmer too.

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I’ll take “new and improved” too lol
First pdoc appt is in less than two weeks, hoping it’ll be a fruitful experience.

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I am sorry to say, I am not. My brain works better than without and I sleep more than without, but I am not like I was before.
I have read some posts from around that time, and I was incredibly poetic. I was creative and loved to write, draw, sculpture and such. I enjoyed to party with friends, which is something I just don’t like now. Plus the fact that I was skinny and pretty.
I can’t focus worth a damn now and I feel way dumber. I used to soak information up like a sponge, now you couldn’t get anything in my head even if using a hammer.

There are so many ways in which I am different now. The meds help a lot, but not enough for me to be able to work or study.

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You don’t sound dumb to me at all.

You articulate yourself better than me imo, that’s what I should’ve said lol

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Haha, thanks. You should have “seen” me before. I was brilliant.

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Before the illness I was goofy and fun and awesome. I had tons of friends, I was a mallrat and people would seriously line up to hug me when I got to the mall every weekend. I always dressed well, loved to shop, and I was an amazing write (still am on that one though lol). I was a social butterfly, and this illness has made me feel like a top athlete who had a traumatic injury and has to relearn their sport all over again. In terms of socializing. I very desperately miss who and how I used to be. I was seriously friends with everyone my age, or at least got along well with everyone.

Everyone is different though, meds can dull a bit emotions but they drown the symptoms. Mental health is more important, and the creativity comes back, I was stuck on a writer’s block until I wasn’t anymore.

Like Evillynn, I was highly creative, had a lot of friends and was always smiling. But also, I cried much more easily and was completely self destructive…

Now I’m learning how to get my creativity back, be social but not be fooled by social conditionings and have a more leveled emotional response to life.

It comes back to what you’re willing to do for yourself, really. That’s what I’ve learned so far.

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Time changes everything, with or without AP’s, and as long as I continually strive to do the best I am able to do every day, then I consider myself happy with where I’m at today.

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I used to compliment strangers everywhere I went, now I haven’t left my house more than twice in a month. I’m not looking for pity, I just want my life back. I could safely say that, once upon a time, I truly loved myself. Loved my life. This illness has robbed me of that.

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This is an excellent question. I find that I don’t stress out as much as I used to before the illness but I wouldn’t say I’m my old self. Parts of me have been taken away since getting sick. I’m not as mentally sharp as I used to be, my motivation is crap I don’t feel as carefree as I used to. I think by far though, the biggest change in me is that I can’t feel a well as I used to. I haven’t a good cry since the start of the illness and I think I’ve lost some of my empathy.

I feel medicated and flat. And very antisocial.

Same here. I look it too…

Risperidone had me feeling normal for the first time in my life combined w Zoloft. I’d never experienced a life without bizarre symptoms so it was really revolutionary to me.