Has anyone felt more like their “normal,” pre-illness self after starting on APs? I’d really like to feel like myself again, who I was before the illness. I was pretty awesome back then lol
Everyone in my life says I’m back to my normal self. But I only feel that I’m a new self, post-psychosis, post-premedication, post-idiocy. I changed a lot. Much better person now, much calmer too.
I’ll take “new and improved” too lol
First pdoc appt is in less than two weeks, hoping it’ll be a fruitful experience.
I am sorry to say, I am not. My brain works better than without and I sleep more than without, but I am not like I was before.
I have read some posts from around that time, and I was incredibly poetic. I was creative and loved to write, draw, sculpture and such. I enjoyed to party with friends, which is something I just don’t like now. Plus the fact that I was skinny and pretty.
I can’t focus worth a damn now and I feel way dumber. I used to soak information up like a sponge, now you couldn’t get anything in my head even if using a hammer.
There are so many ways in which I am different now. The meds help a lot, but not enough for me to be able to work or study.
You don’t sound dumb to me at all.
You articulate yourself better than me imo, that’s what I should’ve said lol
Haha, thanks. You should have “seen” me before. I was brilliant.
Before the illness I was goofy and fun and awesome. I had tons of friends, I was a mallrat and people would seriously line up to hug me when I got to the mall every weekend. I always dressed well, loved to shop, and I was an amazing write (still am on that one though lol). I was a social butterfly, and this illness has made me feel like a top athlete who had a traumatic injury and has to relearn their sport all over again. In terms of socializing. I very desperately miss who and how I used to be. I was seriously friends with everyone my age, or at least got along well with everyone.
Everyone is different though, meds can dull a bit emotions but they drown the symptoms. Mental health is more important, and the creativity comes back, I was stuck on a writer’s block until I wasn’t anymore.
Like Evillynn, I was highly creative, had a lot of friends and was always smiling. But also, I cried much more easily and was completely self destructive…
Now I’m learning how to get my creativity back, be social but not be fooled by social conditionings and have a more leveled emotional response to life.
It comes back to what you’re willing to do for yourself, really. That’s what I’ve learned so far.
Time changes everything, with or without AP’s, and as long as I continually strive to do the best I am able to do every day, then I consider myself happy with where I’m at today.
I used to compliment strangers everywhere I went, now I haven’t left my house more than twice in a month. I’m not looking for pity, I just want my life back. I could safely say that, once upon a time, I truly loved myself. Loved my life. This illness has robbed me of that.
This is an excellent question. I find that I don’t stress out as much as I used to before the illness but I wouldn’t say I’m my old self. Parts of me have been taken away since getting sick. I’m not as mentally sharp as I used to be, my motivation is crap I don’t feel as carefree as I used to. I think by far though, the biggest change in me is that I can’t feel a well as I used to. I haven’t a good cry since the start of the illness and I think I’ve lost some of my empathy.
I feel medicated and flat. And very antisocial.
Same here. I look it too…
Risperidone had me feeling normal for the first time in my life combined w Zoloft. I’d never experienced a life without bizarre symptoms so it was really revolutionary to me.