How do I approach this? My youngest brother is showing the same fearfulness I did as a kid. He’s 10 years old now. He’s very much a little macho man, and we never bring up this kind of stuff in my family either, so it makes sense he doesn’t talk about it or ask for help, same as I didn’t.
He shares a room with my other brother and every night he sleeps with the lights on, door open and music blasting (which of course is really obnoxious for my other brother). Also if my other brother isn’t in the room with him at night, he’s too scared to be in the room by himself so he finds excuses to stay up. He used to be too afraid to go upstairs by himself, someone would have to go with him, but that was a few years ago.
He would have panic attacks sometimes, sure that people had broken into the house, similar to how I used to tell my mom there were ghosts in my room, but we haven’t heard that in a while either. (Most likely because as he’s getting older he realized no one would believe him, same as me)
Apparently now he also sleeps with a baseball bat every night. So that’s a thing too. Aside from the observable behaviors who knows what’s going through his head.
How do I deal with this? I don’t want him to go through the same thing I did alone for so many years.
Maybe you can talk with him? Tell him of your experiences. If anything is going on with him, he would feel a lot better knowing he had a friend-especially a family member. I think you said that your parents were not on board with your illness?
talk to your parents about your concern…then your parents can talk to him about what is bothering him…
kids get scared of stuff, the world…etc…it is normal.
he may not have what you have , just a fear that with could parental guidance he can get over, himself.
take care
If your parents do dismiss it outrightly. It might be something to mention to your family doctor. If the doctors treating both of you still or just his. At the least gives you a sounding block and you have talked to someone that can help and look out for more signs.
My parents are not supportive of these kinds of issues. They would just tell him to stop being silly. Eventually they’d get frustrated and yell at him.
Trust me, I would know. I eventually learned to hide my fears from them, and when things got really bad I’d sneak into my brother’s rooms and sleep with them.
sit him down in a quiet place where he feels safe…
try and get him to open up as to what he is scared of…maybe something on the news he saw
maybe it was…ebola
just let him talk, if he feels comfortable .
it might take a few goes untill he opens up.
then reasure him, tell him he is safe, and it is not his job to defend the house or protect the family…
that is what your parents ’ job ’ is.
his job , tell him.
is to do his homework, do his chores and be a kid.
take care
I know that when I was a kid I never really felt that my parents were protectors. It’s weird. My mom I always saw as vulnerable, and she was in my nightmares a lot and I’d have to save her. My Dad I didn’t see as vulnerable, but I also didn’t see him as a protector, likely due to his temper issues. Sometimes I would cry out to him in my nightmares to save me, but he would never appear.
I make it sound like we have terrible parents, but really they’re fantastic in many other areas, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Mental health is not one of them.
My therapist also suggested I try to talk to him. I’m trying to figure out what to say, haha.
What I’ve learned from my niece is that you can only hide glimpses of the way the real world is for so long before that shielding is revealed through stuff like…santa doesn’t exist and well our world is a little crazy but probably as in my case that makes one just want to get to know the great outside world all the more.
But the sleeping with a baseball bat kind of cries out to me as not a good sign at ten years old. The kid needs some help from somewhere.
Does he have friends he hangs out with maybe or more isolated?
He is SUPER social, more so than me or any of my other siblings. In fact, we hardly ever see him at home because he’s always at someone’s house! He’s Mr. Popular, killer with the ladies, a jock, etc.
But I was never anti-social or a loner either. I’ve generally always had a good group of friends and fit in fairly well at school. It would have never been blatantly obvious that something wrong with me, I had my quirks, yes, but I hid the worst of it.
I know for me, people and social interactions are therapeutic, which is exhausting because I’m an introvert and socialization drains me, but it also keeps me feeling safe and focused on the world around me. Maybe he gets the same thing, but since he’s an extravert he just always hangs out with people so he doesn’t have to deal with the fear he gets alone.
Yes, one of the FEW advantages of being introverted as opposed to extroverted is that we handle being alone better than extroverts. But having schizophrenia brings a new factor into both those states of being.
Also, the sooner someone with schizophrenia is diagnosed and starts treatment, then the better his/her prognosis.
Woo, getting my brother into therapy would be…difficult to say the least. The only way I finally got the help I needed was when I left for college and just went under the radar of my parents. They are STRONGLY anti-psychiatry/therapy, etc. I don’t know how I would talk them into letting him see someone. I can try though. I think I’ll talk to him first though, to get a better idea of his thought process, though by what behaviors I see it’s mimicking my paranoia exactly.
He doesn’t have any of the nervous tics I had as a kid though, which is good. Actually the brother who shares a room with him has a bunch of nervous tics like I had, but no other symptoms.
I wonder what funky genetics got passed to us. My sisters are too young to tell yet, but so far only one of my brothers seems to have been spared of all these strange things.
Of course he has a host of other issues to make up for it though, mini seizures that aren’t epilepsy and aren’t full seizures because he doesn’t lose consciousness and they don’t even show up on an EEG, a rare bone growth disorder in his knee, etc.
Why the heck is my family so weird. It’s unexplainable weird too. Sigh.
I’d say just be open to him and let him know a bit of what you went through. Let him know that your door at least is open to him even if you feel the parent’s door isn’t.
At his age… I bet just talking it out might help. But I’d say go out somewhere… make it a casual hang out time and then start the conversation slowly…
If he’s anything like my sis… he’s not going to spill it all on just one conversation… it’s a long process getting the layers of that onion peeled back… a little at a time.
Good luck and I hope you and your sibling can become stronger friends through this as well.