As my username probably suggests, I’m slightly concerned I might have schizophrenia or a related disorder.
My suspicions started a few weeks ago when a lecturer came around to school and lectured about various mental disorders, one being schizophrenia. He listed the common symptoms such as delusions, hallucinations and alike and I felt as though they applied to me. Let me tell you a little bit about myself to give some context.
I’m 17, currently studying IT, I tend to stay a lot to myself and don’t have a lot of friends, sort of because I don’t really feel the need or desire to have friends but also because friends that I have had in the past I have always suspected of talking about me behind my back, avoiding me or somehow making up a plan to in some way embarrass or ridicule me.
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 10 however I have never received any medications for it, I spent 3 years away from school between the ages of 13-15 because I didn’t feel safe at the new school I had started and was constantly afraid of what people thought of me (my self-esteem has always been rather low though).
I think I started having hallucinations around the age of 14 when I started hearing whispering voices (not always but not rarely) over my right shoulder and would only be able to distinguish a few negative words. Around the same time my speech had started getting a little bit distorted (I still make myself understood well but I stutter and half-slur sometimes).
Over the years I’ve started being able to distinguish more and more words and eventually the whispering became a sort of annoyed talking in a regular voice, the frequency hasn’t changed much and I can still function in the limited social life I have (literally just school hours).
I had a long-distance girlfriend (who I loved more than anything else on the planet and still do) up until recently when she broke up with me because she found it difficult to stay together with someone who was always questioning her loyalty (she’s never cheated on anyone before but I have always been afraid of it and involuntarily thought about it), in particular I remember one day on the bus ride home from school we had been talking for a while on the phone and she suddenly went quiet and I thought to myself “It’s fine, she’s probably just getting breakfast and getting dressed” but that train of thought was quickly hijacked and changed into “she’s definitely talking to her other boyfriend you don’t know of”. That was the first time I noticed that my thoughts were getting “hijacked”.
Obviously, being the 21st century I’ve looked up schizophrenia online and read up about it and taken an online screening test (no idea of that was legitimate or not) which said I had a high probability of being schizophrenic, in addition I seemed to be able to relate to most symptoms of it. In addition my mother’s uncle was diagnosed with manic depression.
I thought I’d ask you guys’ opinions and what you make of it before I go to a psychologist seeing as I live in a very small community and it’s rather remote (just shy of the northern polar circle) so there aren’t any local psychologists.
Thanks for your time in reading this, I’m aware self-diagnosis is out of the question but I would like to have the opinion of those who have more experience and knowledge of it.