Yeah I know trauma therapy is horrible. When I first started I was having meltdowns constantly, psychosis, depression, etc to where my therapist kept asking if this was doing more harm than good and if we should stop…if it makes you feel better though I did end up making huge progess and now a lot of things that used to trigger me don’t anymore. I was actually doing incredibly well and felt “cured” of my ptsd until we moved back to my old town where all the bad stuff happened and it basically came back like it had never left which is why I decided to start emdr.
In my opinion it seems less scary than what I was doing before which was pretty much just talking about it. Emdr you don’t talk about it you’re sort of just asked to like “think about how this event made you feel” etc and then do something like watch something go back and forth or even listen to and feel a buzzer go from right to left which I found sort of relaxing.
Still doesn’t mean it’s easy though. Even though my 1st session I felt kind of silly it ended up giving me a really intense amount of rage for the rest of the week and violent nightmares. Was blowing up at my mom for random small things. Yikes. Anyways keep hanging in there, sometimes it can feel like one step forward and two back but it’s definitely possible to make progress.