With meds I would live in a horrible lonely place or I wouldn’t be alive at all
that’s a strange thing to believe
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I don’t think so. With what I know about myself.
Yeah I know trauma therapy is horrible. When I first started I was having meltdowns constantly, psychosis, depression, etc to where my therapist kept asking if this was doing more harm than good and if we should stop…if it makes you feel better though I did end up making huge progess and now a lot of things that used to trigger me don’t anymore. I was actually doing incredibly well and felt “cured” of my ptsd until we moved back to my old town where all the bad stuff happened and it basically came back like it had never left which is why I decided to start emdr.
In my opinion it seems less scary than what I was doing before which was pretty much just talking about it. Emdr you don’t talk about it you’re sort of just asked to like “think about how this event made you feel” etc and then do something like watch something go back and forth or even listen to and feel a buzzer go from right to left which I found sort of relaxing.
Still doesn’t mean it’s easy though. Even though my 1st session I felt kind of silly it ended up giving me a really intense amount of rage for the rest of the week and violent nightmares. Was blowing up at my mom for random small things. Yikes. Anyways keep hanging in there, sometimes it can feel like one step forward and two back but it’s definitely possible to make progress.
Yeah my therapist keeps asking me the same thing about if we should stop cause the triggers are definitely not in short supply. But I kinda think talking about it is what I need ya know? Emdr honestly kinda looks like mind control to me so it scares me honestly but has it worked for you??
I guess welcome to the early 1900’s of sz. The time before meds. They had a lot of nice asylums back then. Modern medicine isn’t for everyone I suppose. What else can I say. You’re not alone
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Also as for management of psychosis honestly it’s 99% about prevention for me. Know my triggers and avoid them. Know what situations result in flare ups of my psychosis. (I have gone on APs as a precaution in the past, usually I go on them during the summer time which is when I tend to get episodes. After the “danger time” passes I go off the AP) Knowing what thought patterns I tend to get when psychotic. Different tips for recognizing delusional beliefs (i.e. would I believe this if a random person on the street came up and said this to me…is this a belief that revolves around me & puts me in the spotlight somehow…etc) A lot of things really.
I got so good at prevention that I haven’t had a major episode in 2 something years now. When I get minor flare ups like at night or whatever klonopin really helps. But that’s a med too ack. Really without klonopin when I have a minor flare up I basically have to grit my teeth through it and suffer. Not a fun time and probably builds on my trauma.
Coping without meds is really hard. It’s like a full time job managing symptoms. It’s exhausting and miserable and when I’m completely med free I’m basically barely surviving and not enjoying life at all.
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I think a bigger problem is if you get physically ill and need medical care to survive. How would you manage then?
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You could eat the plants
Like animals do
Ok? What does that have to do with anything? asylums were terrible things. Why are you being like this? I don’t have a problem with modern medicine? It’s not for me but it works for other people so. Ok.
Yeah it was definitely what I needed at the time too. I NEEDED to get it out. They say talk therapy isn’t effective and can make things worse for ptsd but I think that’s only if the therapist is forcing someone to talk about it who isn’t ready, and I was ready and it ended up helping a lot. Felt like draining an infected wound. Really painful but worth it in the end because unless you drain it and disinfect it it can never start to heal…
It’s not like mind control at all though I could see how someone would think that. My first session she asked me about one of my abusers and what was the feeling I got when he attacked me…and then I just had to watch her finger move back and forth. It was hard to do because she moved it really fast! I felt pretty silly and actually started giggling. 
But when I focused I was surprised and found that I wasn’t getting the scared or depressed feeling I thought I’d get I was feeling anger…and that I wanted to hurt him very badly…I told the therapist this and she told me to stay with that feeling and keep watching her finger…but I couldn’t focus and just kept laughing after that until the session ended. That’s why my strong anger all the rest of the week was really surprising to me I guess it really set something off even if we only brought it up for a moment.
I dunno if it will be helpful yet as I’ve only had one session and it’s supposed to take like 5 or 6 at least to see results I think. I’ll let you know!
meds work for us. so they must work for you also. just give it a try.
I try not to think about it to much but tbh if i ever get a medical condition that requires a daily pill I’m worried about it I could die because I can’t do it. but I can do my inhaler for my asthma my other health problems require painkillers but I take them very rarely so I can deal with it a little better. It’s still scary but I can manage easier.
What about injections
???
Ok I’m 99% sure this is a jab at me. But fun fact there are herbal remedies that work for many things. And I use them all the time. So yeah.
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I can’t I explained in way to much detail why I feel the way I do in a previous post. And not everyone is the same. I’m not going to try them I’m sorry.
Lol I can’t again trauma makes it impossible.
so prepare yourself for a life of paranoia & fear. is this what you want? get over your trauma and trust a pdoc and give meds a try.
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That is like the perfect metaphor for what talking about trauma feels like! Thank You! Yeah I think I need to get it out of my system I feel like that’s the most important thing for me to focus on right now
Well I think I’d definitely need to trust the therapist doing the emdr because I think otherwise I’d be to scared and suspicious to really focus.
But please do tell me if it helps! 
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Yeah I need to get better about not triggering myself cause I definitely play with fire more than I should. But i do know how to fact check! It’s still very hard sometimes though. Especially if I’m convinced of something.
I’m glad you haven’t had any major episodes and I’m glad you found something that helps with the small ones.
And I know being med free is gonna be hard but I think it’s worthwhile for me
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