Noise, I hate to break it to you but I am in my 40’s and every time I went off my meds, bad stuff went down. I don’t think too many folks like the side effects of their medication. I hate how mine make me feel like a robot, no real emotions, just these quasi emotions, how I am in a haze, tired and the things you probably go thru as well. But, I have to tell you that being out of control and not knowing that you are off the chain is worse. There are nowhere near enough treatment facilities or mental health hospitals and the current trend of imprisoning the mentally ill isn’t something you want to be a part of. So, you have to think of what is best in the long run for you. I don’t know what meds you are taking Noise, I am on Saphris right now, its relatively new and very effective, but very expensive because it isn’t covered by insurance. Think of medication as something like working out, not smoking or losing weight, folks want the results of these things but don’t want what they have to go thru to get the results. If you want as close to a “normal” life as you can get, meds and a good doctor are your best bet. Best of luck and know you aren’t alone in this, many folks have been before you and many will follow, be the good statistic my friend, not the bad example. Sorry for the Novel.