I want to be psychotic again

I’m sort of addicted to trouble. I miss being in a crisis all the time. I know that is weird but life just seemed more potent or something when I was sick. And I miss feeling special too.

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Good reason to have a hobby!

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I still have a voice that is lingering but its better than all of them together tormenting me. I don’t miss them.

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Guess there is ups and downs to it. Rather stay this way because used to it but also wish it would ease of sometimes.

I’d rather be normal and functioning then having to gruel the days out and only want to sleep and stuff. I don’t want it anymore there has to be a way to stop the assault you know?

I used to miss psychosis. It was hard to suddenly go from being the star of an action/spy thriller to just an ordinary person with nothing to occupy my time. But then I started filling my day with things that give my life meaning. Now that I have things to lose, I don’t want to go back to the adventures I used to have.

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i have been slowly building myself up, i went on a better med about 6 years and since then i’ve been on the up, i am doing some voluntary work just now and hope to do more so i guess thats my hobby and i’ve managed to go to college for a while, maybe you could learn something or do some art or something.

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Haha you know I had my soul mate in my head And I thought it was the real world, I’d love to be psychotic it was so cool

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Glad to see your doing well…I have tried university, twice before, not for me, dont have the concentration or motivation, and also my sleeping pattern is really bad…

The thing is when I was psychotic my sleeping pattern was great and I was never overtired and stuff, I got up at the right times of the day, my motivation wasn’t a problem and my concentration was great. I dont have positive symptoms anymore or I’ve not had them for 3 and a half years but now negative symptoms are really disabling, my sleeping pattern is from 6am-6pm!

I used to have a soul mate as my voice too! She was related to a real person in real life, I loved talking to her.

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They are really cool paintings! much better than mines I done in hospital, I painted a vision I had…its called ‘bleached sun’ or ‘scarred skies’

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Those are beautiful, @Comatose! Can you only draw them when psychotic?

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I used to think that too, I thought people were transferring my dad millions of pounds, his old boss were coming into the ward and stuff, I used to think I made a new lottery game, I thought I was famous on Facebook…when I discovered that all of this was not true when I eventually came out of psychosis I got very angry and violent.

I still have a delusion that I am exceedingly wealthy and the ‘brain team’ won’t give me access to my memories so I don’t know how to get to my money :cry:.BUT I am not acutely psychotic , so I am not overwhelmed with psychosis so I am not behaving erratically or hurting myself or others. I always have some paranoia. Every day. It isn’t so bad that I need the hospital though. I am able to live my life without being focused on my delusions. It’s been 6 months since I have had an episode. While I wait on my billions, I am on disability :slight_smile:

go food shopping at whole foods its like being psychotic without going to the hospital.

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I have not been drawing for almost 6 years. When I am psychotic the rules of perfections don’t apply and I draw directly from my mind.

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I’m terrified of medication for a few reasons, and one of them is that I wouldn’t have visions anymore and wouldn’t be able to draw/paint.

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