I hate the fear

I remember when I was in high school. I had two good friends who I met in grade school and knew until a couple years after high school ended. One of them who I will call John ( not his real name) had a circle of friends who he had started hanging out with during one of our occasional fallout’s. One of them who I will call David Bob I knew for a couple years. he was one of my several “frenimies”. People I hung out with who had John in common as a friend but we rarely hung out together on our own. I was never afraid of “David Bob”. In fact, I hate to say but I gave him a hard time almost literally every time I saw him. EVERYBODY called him by both his names. In two years I never just called him David. It was always, " I saw David Bob today". Or," Hey, David Bob, can I borrow a dollar"? We called him both his names just to put him down. He was kind of funny looking (so was I, I guess) and I picked on him sometimes. After high school graduation, I think we respected each other more, we even worked at the same place once, as silkscreeners. I lost touch with my good friends and David Bob became close to them. It was kind of a weird situation to see my good friend treating strangers like he used to treat me. They all got close and I was actually in my prodomal stage with no friends. It actually hurt me. The pain of losing a close friend. The last time I saw David Bob was when we were both 19. Like I said, when I was younger he was this funny looking fresh-faced guy. But the last time I saw him he was in some beat-up old car. I was walking past him and he stopped to talk. His appearance had completely changed. He had a big beard and mustache and long hair. He was wearing “stoner clothes”. If you didn’t know him he was scary looking. But to me he was still the old 'David Bob" and I wasn’t scared a bit. Well NOW, I am pretty much scared of everybody. I mean there are some intimidating looking people out there. But every now and then in my fear, I wonder how many David Bobs there actually are out there.

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I get scared of strangers when they walk past. I hate those situations. No one is gonna attack anyone on the street for no reason where I live, but it still makes me nervous.

Try working out and growing a beard of your own. It might help…

Yeah and show some teeth that’ll scare em off.

I think I am more afraid of making friends with people than just random people. I am afraid of getting close and then them turning on me like a lynch mob.

But most people don’t interest me anyways.

I can relate to that statement. 25 years of life really only made 15 to 25 friends.

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You could where a hat or shirts that have firearms manufacturers on them it really does work. Ya know like a Glock hat Smith and Wesson t-shirt.

And if you usually talk to yourself but hide it in public? Stop…just let it flow! Theres nothing scarier than a gun nut thats literally nuts.

“I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you’re doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you’re lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you’re really lucky.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

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I have not meet my old school mate/friends before,and i think it would be good if I met them with purpose and not just bum them oh the street which would probably make me feel awkward…I don’t really greet people,if I met my old school mate and they didn’t see me and couldn’t recognise me,I probably won’t greet them…but it’s hard to say maybe I would brave up and say "hi"to them

The friend who reentered my life is out of the closet gay. When he goes to certain parts of town for work… he’ll get scruffy… and dresses like a thug so people won’t mess with him.

He looks scary at times… but it’s all a façade so others won’t see him as a target.
Then around his home neighborhood… he looks a bit like a yuppie.

He’s taught me… there are a lot of people out there who try to look intimidating. It’s their survival technique.

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Hmmm, I would consider doing that. I need help surviving. I know for sure that people see me as a victim. At work they are cold in that regard. They destroy me and kick me when I’m down I think. Both women and men of every age. And they laugh about it. Screw 'em. Tough day at work. Tough commute. Neighbors messing with me endlessly.