So in the days now I am a bit better than without meds and than the past despair from the years. But in the evenings, it gets tough again. Too much. I am not sure how to describe it… Its some heaviness of my body and in my head. It literally paralizes me to the coach or to bed. I also tend to worry a lot about the future then. I am not sure that’s from meds. Maybe its more the isolation from the years? I am really desperate on this people… I think I had this even as teenager because of the illness. If it was the isolation maybe it would be better cause the isolation can be broken but not some part of the illness 
.Why I do feel ‘‘heavy’’ like this, any ideas? I also feel the brain in my head in those moments, its heavy inside my head too… its like my brain is not working to function in the ‘‘light’’ of the life, with some bright thoughts and oxygen wow… Its maybe something like being dumb but to a point that even my body suffers cause it feels heavy…
Can an ap lift this heaviness? Nobody here who was like this? my emotions are also touched by this state. hard to function, hard to love, hard to be interested in something or just be human 
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Nobody who have experienced this heaviness? its strange…
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I read at Readers Digest that a Serotonine level is lower at night so people shouldn’t make serious decisions or deals because the cognitive perception is not as objective as in the day.
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