Going Gonzo

■■■■, sounds complicated.

Slipping up and smoking for a couple days ain’t that big a deal.

If you want to get back on track you can forgive yourself and just keep the 75 day count going.

Well, I have tomorrow (Thur) off as well. Gonna see another therapist and my pdoc. Not going to tell my therapist about the relapse, it is our last session tomorrow, his internship is over. Gonna smile and thank him for teaching me to celebrate good, positive things in my life-- to not to overlook them as I have been doing most of my adult life. Going to show gratitude and be thankful that therapy is available and wish him well on his endeavors. To feel connected to another human being.

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Forgive myself and keep truckin with the days? Ok. Done. I have 76 days sobe :sunglasses: r

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There you go man.

I took a hit a couple weeks ago.(it didn’t count)

“Sober” for 2 years here

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lol. tell me about your trip (aka high aka experience aka intuition)

I didn’t smoke enough to really feel anything.

The last time I did that it was at a party and I just sat on the couch and tried to control my voices the whole time. Did alright at it too.

Other than that being stoned is being stoned. Everything is all sunk in but you feel more connected to it. At least for me.

what about the evil stuff. that sounds pretty horrific.

I mean that stuff kind of started to taper off.

There was just so much noise and impulsivity in my mind. Like being on a boat just going everywhere. Rough seas. Pot did kind of show me I can just blank it all out. Easier to do when sober though.

I guess I need the active mind. Noise and impulsivity I get. Blanking it out I cannot do. I feel a compulsion to try and connect with others, be it in a dissociative state.

confidence, self-esteem. maybe pot is a lubricant for my older engine mind that is in dire need of reassurance. Pot gives me confidence that a sober state cannot offer.

The blank state is great dude. So much focus on real world stuff instead of internal chaos.

that’s it, isn’t it? focus your energies on the outside world, rid yourself of the internal chaos. imagine what we could do if we all had a common purpose.

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Yeah man. Worlds ■■■■■■. So it goes.

The sz bill of rights:
one: eat a balanced diet
two: exercise everyday
three: sleep as many hours as you need
four: take it easy on yourself

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Good list.

Five: Don’t do drugs lol

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I purposely omitted it. Let’s move that to one.

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Well take care man. I’m calling it a night.

I’m gonna start a new thread, a sz bill of rights, check in, dude.

night man, sleep well.