When I am talking to someone and they write massive long texts , and you feel insecure and try to write good but it isn’t quite good. Then after a week you decide to call and afraid you sound like an idiot but they still want to see you. 
I’m thinking I’m hitting another manic phase.
If they are worth your time, they won’t care and just want to hear what you have to say. Having a big vocabulary doesn’t mean anything about a person’s value.
I don’t get into debates anymore…I use to be a debater but since I’m a slower thinker…i don’t deal with it. I still get some good concepts out there, but some people try to help you…but that doesn’t mean they understand you. its like the guy robbing another guy with a gun…the victim is always the victim. The realization is that their both victims based on a earlier point of life which lead them to that path…
There is a intellectual conversation that I for some reason have experienced.
Maybe in s dream because as a person I am not educated.
I wagged school s lot.
And even so my mind is as is.
I was not at home as child.
I was not in my body as such.
I have been mocked and ridiculed for not being educated or smart but one still deserves respect for who one is.
Even disabled people can have a great wisdom and truth to who they are in spirit and soul.
I may not be intellectually stimulated and may instead come across as retarded.
I knew someone who saw humour in that and found it funny.
It has been been devistating to me at times to not remember things that children all know from school and I do not know even if I once did I have forgotten it.
I can not stimulate my man intellectually although maybe on another level my soul and spirit can.
I truly try to focus on my ability and be grateful for it.
I am so grateful I can cook and bake and read and write and walk etc
I have been embarrassed when I do not know things that “every body should know”.
My bf showed me stars that every one knows and I knew at some point but had no idea now.
Some people really rubbed it in that I don’t know simple things that every one knows.
I do not know and I can get poor speach sometimes.
My father on paper has always been cruel in comments.
I said aorta was heart and he said "do you not even know what a aorta is it is on the hand but it comes from by heart I thought.
He embarrassed me loud and clear at cafe.
He also got angry when he played chess with me because I was so dumb and stupid.
I stopped playing chess.
The thought crossed my mind at what woman my man is meeting while he is away.
Big breasted and educated and stimulating because he can probably hold conversations with them that he can not with me.
I trust him .
I want us to be faithful to each other .
I believe I am forgiven my past when I was a sl##.
Others were making me because they steered me n was in my body I think maliciously.
I nolonger drink alcohol.i have improved myself and feel more like myself.
I still feel a angry one but I am good.
I avoid people but am hoping to be brave and go to church.
If can always leave if I am not well.
I am trying .
I do find it embarrassing to not be able to keep conversation well.
It is simple and apparently it is sometimes noticeable .
I want my man to be happy and pleased with me .
I understand he may have attraction to others with big breast and intellect but I believe he is still faithful and respectful to me .
He is best and I am amazed how great he is.
Proud of him.
I have loved ones that are Christian.
My horse is a Christian.
She gets up to mischief though.
I saw her wearing kukluxklsn outfit and I saw drugs in a rainforest.
She is a cheeky one and golly knows what she gets up to.
But she is a Christian.
I admit I do not understand it.
But I felt I want to believe and pray to believe as the morals might suit me too.
My thaught when I was christened was I can pray to become and believe it.
I do not believe in Islam for me although I was Muslim for one year as I thought my father was a Muslim but he was not my father on paper.
Buddhism does not suit me.
Scientology had some interesting thoughts.
But not for me.
Satanism is not for me either though it could be interesting.
They are atheists it says .
Yet a religion .
I read half a book about it but felt it best I not read anymore.
I did believe we have different species of who we are.
Romanticly all our nature energy and animals can be together in world.
My boyfriend s patterns are Christian and some family.
I thought I should try it.
Pray for it etc
I have been praying to God but with out any religion I know of.
I do feel aweful when I do not understand or know things people are talking about or when I go mute or poor speach.
On top of that having symptoms.
My man has been great with me.
I hope and pray our souls and spirits and bodies be united in marriage and he can see me beyond that.
I can only talk about simple things perhaps in person.
Yes it can be really embarrassing when I am unable to know things I learnt before kindergarten .
I spoke three languages as a child in some point and I enjoyed maths later on in life.
It is horrid feeling that and some people take advantage of that and try to suppress you while others try support and keep it simple .
Have I drifted away from the topic…
I can not remember.
I am sorry Ish.
Hope you are well.
Not fair,your on meds shouldn’t have manic
I enjoy smarter people nowadays. It’s hard to throw a rock into a crowd without hitting someone smarter, so it’s been a necessary adjustment for me to make…
I used to get insecure all the time when I was younger with a more fragile ego, though. Afraid that I wasn’t contributing to the conversation/work/etc… I think it’s part maturity and nurturing a better sense of humor.
what makes you so sure that you have mania? did any psychiatrist tell you so?
They upped my dose because I was having symptoms. I don’t think those symptoms are gone.
I mean reintroduced abilify not upped dose.
I’m sorry to hear that it gets to you so much. Now I wonder if I’m one of the people who does that to you, makes me feel kinda bad 
; I like reading your posts, you definitely add good things to the forum 
. I say the first part because I write long texts, not to mention the long posts I write on here. Hell, I typically use correct grammar, punctuation, etc. in texts, so makes me wonder if some people are bothered by that. When I was teaching as a grad student, I had multiple students write in their evaluations that they felt too intimidated to ask me questions, something that really got to me. I wanted them all to be comfortable approaching me and asking me questions.
You seem like an intelligent person to me, anyway; you just have some issues like we all do. 
I think In my nerves I ended up sounding extremely dopey 
Well, that makes sense, then. None of us are at our best, most intelligent-sounding when we are very nervous.
Yes, it’s totally happening to me, but lately I give a damn about everyone … and it helps because I talk like myself and I do not care what they think, amazingly,I found it much more convenient for people to speak naturally,And they feel comfortable talking like themselves too/ they even accept that I put a lot of curses into speech
Absolutely, I feel like backwards when I talk to some intellectual people. Those with master’s degrees and PHD profs live on another level to us mere mortals.
It’s funny. I frequently keep my text messages short, sweet and to the point. Does that seem unusual? I thought everyone did that. Writing essays by text isn’t my kind of thing perhaps.
Professionals make me a little insecure. But I know I am smart in my own way too. I have a First Class Honours Degree and I had the grades for a Phd scholarship which admittedly I did not pursue. I’m insecure about those who have great careers and I am so insecure that I am not sure I can pursue a professional life ie. re-train to be a counselor. I’m super nervous, anxious about it…
As an omniscient intellectual, no.
I like my morals more than their intelligence
I wouldn’t say I’m envious of his grades. I am happy he has that and proud. I just feel a little out of place. I won’t say no to a date though as he wants to go for a hot chocolate , he doesn’t drink coffee
I admire people who have achieved their undergraduate and graduate degrees. It takes a lot of studying and perseverance to accomplish one’s educational goals.
No, I admire them immensely.
I think that’s cool that they are smart and I think I’m roughly average intelligence when I don’t have physical or psychological challenges going on.
I don’t date but sometimes, like it seems you might, I have trouble believing people really like me.
Then when they say something only a good friend would say I think "really? wow."
Obviously this person is interested in spending time with you so chances are they see some value in you.