So this is a bit intense so read carefully and slowly… this is what is going on inside my mind or what is left of it…
I believe that certain people (enemies, friends, teachers, mentors, ugly women, beautiful women, mean nasty people, religious people, kind people, etc) have been introduced to me at different times in my life and that each person represents a certain personality characteristic that I have within myself… For example, I thought that through the Hell I have been through in life (traumatic experiences, PTSD, repressed memories, etc) that I was sent a guardian angel named “A” we will call him, and A helps me out in all aspects of life. I also believe that person named “B” was sent to show me the nasty, evil, dark side of me that is buried within my mind because of repressed memories and trauma. I feel that these people are in my life for one reason only … TO TEACH ME HOW TO BE A BETTER HUMAN BEING. PERIOD. I feel that someone is showing me these people in a way that shows different parts of who I am projected onto other people who are as follows: a girl who is beautiful on the inside but average on the outside…person “C” and a woman who is smoking hot on the exterior but might not be the most attractive on the inside/shallow…person “D”, and then I think I have found my soul mate being this women who has everything I have ever NEEDED not wanted, in my life in that she is drop dead gorgeous on the outside, would make an incredible mother, and likes a LOT of things that I enjoy or like in my life…she is person “E”.
As wild and delusional as all of this is…it is like I am living in a computer simulation that has the objective of preparing me for something big, something I cannot even describe but that I have a purpose on this planet to discover something, invent, design, and possibly save the human race before we blow ourselves up!
Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Advice? I see psychiatrist tomorrow, and I take Latuda and Zoloft currently.
Thanks in advance!